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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She who waits for deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tradia
    ASL Info:    17/F
    Elite Ratio:    3.02 - 13/28/26
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 146
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 704



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe who waits for deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    she walked in the rain
    straw hat, blue faded dress
    with memories no longer remembered
    only imprinted on photos and journals
    on children's baby clothes

    her hands mindless
    picking at invisible threads
    of death
    she was old

    gray hairs adorned
    fretted with gold
    a small wrinkled face
    with insipid blue eyes

    her son once visited
    a rose in his hand
    she looked past him
    towards a bird who arrived

    she walked in the rain
    with her blue faded dress
    she only waited
    for her black gowned lady friend








    Submitted on 2007-10-31 14:17:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I actually really liked this poem. I do think that you could have done without the "threads of death" because it's so dark and gloomy that it is actually kind of comical. And threads of death just seems so extreme. In portraying a dark picture you succeeded, but it might be abit over the top in those 2 lines.

    I love the description here:
    gray hairs adorned
    fretted with gold
    a small wrinkled face
    with insipid blue eyes

    although, for grammar sake and to not throw off your reader, you should say gray hairs adorned and fretted with gold or just gray hairs fretted with gold because it might be redundant otherwise. i like the image of a lady walking in teh rain with a blue hat and a faded dress. what a contrast of eachother. very nostalgic.
    | Posted on 2007-10-31 00:00:00 | by jesus etc. | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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