Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For The Sake Of Being Simpledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 600
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1133



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor The Sake Of Being Simpledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Iím under you,
    Face up on a stone block,
    Regret fills my eyes,
    Liquid crystalline, doubt and hurt,
    Shadow my cries.

    But Iím alone with.
    My black hoody on, itís cold,
    The shiver feels nice,
    And if only you could see me now,
    As my tears turn to ice

    For The Sake of Being Simple,
    I donít think that I have to tell you,
    For The Sake of Being Simple,
    Forever I would have held you,

    All the Ice,
    In my head melts slowly
    Seeps out of my eyes,
    Where in the cold I lay,
    Turns them to ice

    Now all of the
    Sweet memories of you are like,
    Silk to Paper of Sand,
    And these tears are over you,
    Because I never am,

    For The Sake of Being Simple,
    I want you and your warmth to hold
    For The Sake of Being Simple,
    Without your warm, I prefer the cold,

    Iím under you
    Face up, staring at the sky.
    Cause gravity holds my hand
    And these tears are over you,
    Because I never am,




    Submitted on 2007-11-01 13:42:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this piece...i especially enjoyed the metaphor "And if only you could see me now,
    As my tears turn to ice" and how you extended it later on in the poem with "All the Ice,
    In my head melts slowly
    Seeps out of my eyes"...that part was my favorite. This poem definately paints a picture and leaves me wishing things would get better for you if this is written about circumstances in your life.
    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by only_a_dreamX | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, for the most part I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of this.

    Iím under you
    Face up, staring at the sky.
    Cause gravity holds my hand
    And these tears are over you,
    Because I never am,

    being one of my favorite lines.

    the only problems I saw were obvious puncuation errors. comma's for periods and capital letters on words non-important randomly in sentences.

    keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by Cannablisjunkie | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    151994

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The World written by jjd
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Etiquette written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry