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    dots Submission Name: My minddots

    Author: Jessica Lynn
    ASL Info:    22/f/mn
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 121/119/57
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 910
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1201

       Im trying

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy minddots

    The steady drip of rain
    pounds the leaves of the trees
    and drenches all that in itís path.
    Silence except for this sound,
    which covers even the windís fierce roar.
    Cold are the tears of God
    that chills, freezes, and purifies.
    Stinging the skin and turning to ice
    the raindrops are like bullets
    shot out by some unknown enemy.
    This rattle taunts me,
    reminding me of my faults
    and my compromises.
    Mistakes arenít acceptable
    in my world of conscience.
    The sickening waves of the thunder clap
    and lightning brightens my pitch-black sky.
    Dreams turned nightmares.
    Nightmares turned reality.
    Treacherous are the shadows that beckon,
    Feeding off my fear, my weakness.
    Waking hours mesh with those meant for sleep
    and my sanity ripples
    with the sway of the trees.
    A storm of emotions screams into the swirling sky.
    Wind whipped my body cold.
    My mindset blank.
    My face stained with the blood-tears.
    Tears of the mind.
    Tears of the soul.
    Confusion my enemy.
    Pride my sin.

    Submitted on 2007-11-01 14:38:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the begining of this a lot. While the use of rain to represent the negetive side of this is clichť you use it very well. in the begining there is such a wonderfully narative quality the i could almost feel the rain see the swirling sky feel the torment. Didn't care much for the blood tears or what follows. i would guess they'd be bloody from being wind whipped but nothing as clear as the previous part. It seems to me that chills freezes and purifies should be singular
    i think it could be minimalized some by cutting out a few thes and ect but overall i like this because it create feeling.
    | Posted on 2008-12-13 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm... I really like this poem. Some lines are just great, like looking through my child eyes again. :) The ending could be better but it's ok as it is.

    '"Cold are the tears of God"

    I liked this line the most.
    | Posted on 2008-05-17 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Highly poetic and highly descriptive (the two rarely seen in this day and age!) an extremely well done piece throughout! I enjoyed this a great deal. (one suggestion: line 7 should read "chill, freeze and purify.") bravo.... bravo...
    bravo... michael
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it.

    | Posted on 2007-11-01 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]

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