Standing on the welcome mat in front of Lance’s house, I felt as if I was really ready. He told me his parents were going to be gone for the afternoon. After eight months of being together, we had a place to be by ourselves. I thought about this and knew I loved him. I knew it.
I wore my light blue spaghetti strap shirt so my red bra straps can be noticed. I knew he’d like that. Standing on the faded welcome mat, I could hear the birds chirping and I could feel the sun bearing down on my shoulders. I rang the doorbell and Lance answered immediately.
“Emily!” Lance answered the door excitedly. He came up to me, hooked his arm around my back and kissed me. We walked into his one story house that was cluttered and messy with various items that haven’t left its place since I first came over on our first date. We sat on the couch and he turned on the television. Lance didn’t bother flipping through the channels and left it on some random channel while a commercial was playing. It was just for background noise.
Lance grabbed my leg while we were sitting on the couch and started kissing my neck. I pulled away and said, “I love you so much Lance.” I kissed his lips hard on the mouth.
He slipped off the straps of my shirt and asked, “Are you ready?”
“Do you love me?” I asked him with both my hands on either one of his cheeks.
“Yeah, I do. Are you ready?” He asked me again.
All I could say was, “Yeah.” He smiled at me and slipped off my shirt. He laid me on the couch and I was nervous, excited, but overall happy to be losing my virginity to the first person I ever loved. This was perfect and he was perfect. I knew it.
He got on top of me and rolled my pants off my legs. The sensation of his hands on my bare thighs excited me to no end. He put his face to my ear saying, “You are so beautiful.”
Before I knew it, we were both naked on the couch. Lance came down to my face as I was lying on my back. He put his tongue in my mouth as he was slipping the condom on himself. I could hear the rubber slapping against his skin. When I heard the rubber stop slapping against his skin, my heart dropped. I knew this was it. Then he went inside me.
I felt instant pain when he entered me that reverberated all throughout my body. “Stop! Stop!” I screamed to him.
Lance came out slowly and popped his face over me and said, “What? We hardly did anything.”
“I’m sorry it just really hurt. Just go slow,” I requested.
“Fine,” he responded. He started licking my breast which excited me, but was followed by an even worse pain when he went back inside me. The pain was worse since I felt the pain already. I tried to take it, but with each thrust he made, the pain intensified. My hands were clenched on either side of the couch. He seemed to refuse to make eye contact with me. My eyes rolled over to the television set and “The Little Mermaid” was on TV. That was my favorite movie when I was a little girl.
“Lance!” I screamed in pain. He kept going faster and I couldn’t do this anymore. This was too much.
“Calm down,” He responded quietly still not looking at me.
I remembered when I came to see Lance in the past and I’d walk into that living room we were in, I’d see his mom and dad sitting on the couch that we were on. I was familiar with that room, that couch, those windows letting the sun in from behind the television set, and Lance’s eyes looking at mine. Laying naked in that same setting, everything was foreign. I was not in the same place.
“Please Lance, I can’t do this.” I pleaded with him.
He stopped thrusting, but was still inside me and said, “You wanted to do this. I wanted to do this. I don’t see what the big deal is. Either way it’ll hurt. It doesn’t matter who or when. Wouldn’t you rather have it be with me?”
“Yes, of course I do, but it’s too much,” I responded.
“Well, don’t worry about it,” that was all Lance said to me. He started thrusting harder and harder while the song “Under the Sea” was playing on the television. Tears were rolling down my eyes while I was just staring at the movie I loved when I was a little girl.
I noticed he stopped going back and forth in me. I looked up at him and saw him with his eyes closed, his head facing the ceiling, and his mouth dropped open. He pulled out of me quickly concluding with one last act of pain.
I went to stand up to put on my clothes and it hurt so much to stand. I couldn’t walk without the pain still lingering.
“What the fuck! There’s blood all over my couch!” He ran off to get paper towels as I put my clothes on. Lance came back in a hurry with a sponge and paper towels. I saw the blood on the couch and knew it would not come out.
It was hopeless, but I said to Lance, “Here let me try to help.” I went to grab some paper towels and headed towards the couch when Lance snapped at me, “No, don’t bother. I got it!” I didn’t say anything back to him, so I just dropped the paper towel in the middle of the floor. I decided to go to the bathroom and when I was done on the toilet, I got up and saw a little pool of blood in the toilet. I couldn’t stop shaking. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my eyeliner running down my face, beads of sweat running down my forehead, and locks of my hair damp from my sweat. I tried to fix myself up before I had to face Lance again, but most of the time I spent just standing just staring and shaking in front of myself. I walked out of the bathroom slowly still feeling every step I make bring a pain to my body. I heard Lance cursing to himself as I got closer to the living room.
“I tried everything! I can’t get the blood out of the couch. I’m fucked! My parents are going to be pissed!” he screamed at me.
When he said he tried everything, I realized I was in the bathroom a lot longer then I thought. “I’m sorry baby, but I need to go. I really don’t feel good,” I said. I came up to kiss him goodbye, but he moved away from me.
He yelled to me, “So you’re just going to go and let me deal with this? This is your fucking mess!”
I looked at Lance and saw nothing in his eyes. He was a stranger. He became cloudy in my eyes as I started to cry and walk out of the house.
I heard Lance from behind as I walked away yelling, “You decide to fuck and split? Fuck you bitch!”
I opened the front door and closed it behind me. I stood still outside, hearing the same birds chirping, feeling the same sun on me as before. I fell slowly on top of the welcome mat in front of the door. I felt pain everywhere and each hint of pain didn’t distract me from the other. I couldn’t move. The sun that was once bearing down my shoulders was beating down on my face as I was sitting. Crying was only making room for all the pain and I was running out of room no matter how much I cried. I knew it. What else could I do, but sit there and let it all come in.
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Submission Name: Welcome
