This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: MC white
ASL Info:    20/Male/Ohio
Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 71 /73 /45
Words: 181
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1287
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1122


Didnt start with a story, just the first line and its rhyme. Thats how most of mine begin.


I shiver though I'm never cold
Honestly I'm not.
I act like I feel the same as you
I like my coffee hot.

The light your shining in my eyes
reminds me of a time
lying on the beach with dad
while mom sank in the brine.

They took that dad away from me
and paraded many more
I laughed at all their man-semantics
playing catch is such a bore.

I'd rather see their insides,
the animals I snare,
I like to know their limits,
give them all that they can bear.

And now you say I've done some wrong
but you see its not the case
For though I did end all their lives
those people were a waste

Loafers, sinners, burdens all
their days were a waste of sun
So I watched them till I knew I was right
and snared them one by one.

And now you lean into my face
and shout that I'm a monster
Its hard to agree when, just like you,
Honestly I'm not, sir

Submitted on 2007-11-02 00:45:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I liked this. It was a very odd read, but, I like the way that, at the end, I get the feeling the man is on trial for the alluded to murders. I would consider myself a sociopath, generally. I like the way it feels really unique. First time I have ever seen sociopathy taken on in such a way.
| Posted on 2008-03-11 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow I love this peom. I could see it the way he saw the world. The eyes of a Sociopath must have been hard to capture but you did it so beautifully. Very good write. ^-^
| Posted on 2007-11-29 00:00:00 | by Katlord | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice. This is a good poem. I've attempted to write something like this when I wrote "Hide this poem underyourpillow" but it didn't end up like I wanted to. Anyways good write!
| Posted on 2007-11-03 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
  It's like you should be actor. You fully took the role of a person who twisted mentally. You are good, and you show diversity. You rhyme scheme was on point, flow and rhythm where flawless. The first bar reminded me of something I wrote, I was a love poem, cuz you know, that's mostly what I write. Here you are perfect, you were at your best on this. You are very convincing, like Ravenwolf said, You don't live in or near the DE, right. I mean those are the first to letters of DEATH. Oscar nominations seem fit. perfecto, my good dude.
| Posted on 2007-11-02 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
  There is a part of me that says I should be alarmed and run for the hills. After all most serial killers stem from Ohio, just joking ~ sort of.

However...this is actually very well written and right on for the title. It is actually quite "cute" the flow and rhyme sort of put a person in the role you took as the sociopath.

Nicely written,

ps: you didn't live anywhere near southeastern Ohio, do you?
| Posted on 2007-11-02 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?