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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sunflowerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tradia
    ASL Info:    17/F
    Elite Ratio:    3.02 - 13/28/26
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1042
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1516



    Description:
       I had been looking at the sunflowers following the sun so i came up with my idea of why!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunflowerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The god of the sun
    with a nymph fell in love
    she roamed the forests
    he belonged with the gods

    They met in a pond
    he brave, she bold
    their hands touched
    creating a bond

    She fleeted before him
    her hands in her lap
    a song of surrender
    came forth from her heart

    the goddess above
    with jelaus eyes watched
    as the nymph
    so fragile, so loving
    gave him her life

    when the god was away
    the goddess came down
    with treacherous words
    she poisoned the girl

    the goddess revenge
    was not over, not yet
    in an hour
    the nymph was a flower

    In the nymphs place
    a sunflower stood
    the forest was quiet
    the god had returned

    he craddled his lover
    so close to his heart
    forever doomed
    he wanted to die

    he caressed with his rays
    her yellowy face
    she died in the winter
    revived in the spring

    He rose to his place
    among with the gods

    her flowery petals
    opened at dawn
    following his chariot
    from her tiny grassland



    the goddess was angry
    a flower had taken her place


    Since then on
    the sunflower
    follows the god
    and the sun so brilliant
    caresses her so







    Submitted on 2007-11-02 12:45:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The god of the sun
    with a nymph fell in love

    first thing i noticed is that makes it seem as though the god and the nymph fell in love with something and not with eachother. you probably should just say the god fell in love with the nymph. but that's just because it threw me off. but if you aren't writing to connect to your audiences, then cheers to you and your self-expressive journey of writing. but if you are writing to an audience, polish that part up a bit unless you don't want people like me to be your audience, which i understand, i am not the bomb. i really enjoy the concept of this. i think it would be a beautiful explanation to a child for why flowers exist and etc. but the ending i do not feel was written well. the concept of the ending was well thought out, but the execution was odd. i guess it seems weird to me to say that she followed the god and that the sun caressed her so because i got the feel in the poem that the god was the sun and here in teh last stanza because of the execution it's ambiguous as to whether or not the sun is god or god is the sun. and i understand ambiguity in poetry, but i don't understand why that should exist here and what that would add to this piece. wonderful topic though, and i loved the stanzas 7-9. they are absolutely beautiful and romantic and poetry and make me very happy.



    | Posted on 2007-11-02 00:00:00 | by jesus etc. | [ Reply to This ]


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