Nothing is more touching and romantic than the moment of parting, or the leaving of a loved one. That moment is an eternity of need and yearning, and the hopelessness of anticipated loneliness; of being left alone for hours, days, weeks, eternity....; separation from the one we love. Our needs seem to rush together and condense like a hungry crowd desperately seeking attention...
Much talent is shown here, and the poem evokes raw emotions that are part of the human composition.
I like this one. I agree with eno1, I think you should drop the lines with "just".
I would also suggest not using repitition for this one, like in the lines
"hold me just once more before you go
let my world go up in flames
let me breathe in the taste
of how it is to live"
I would write
hold me once more before you go
as my world goes up in flames
and I taste the bitterness of this
I might have gotten carried away at the end, but it was just a suggestion.
I definately feel what you're trying to get across, and I think it's pretty good.
I believe the piece could be great with a few minor tweaks.
I enjoyed the read.
firstly i would drop the "just" from the title and the lines that contain "just".
"hold me once more before you go" for example reads much cleaner.
i think i would change "let my world..." to "make my world..."
and maybe make "of how it is to live" to "of what it means to live".
the "it"makes me think "it" is trying to find out how to live.
s2 may be wishful thinking but for me anyway the fact that you ask the subject to tell you that they are there when you know they are leaving,hence "before you go" didn't make much sense.
maybe change "make me see..." to "let me..."
overall i think this is a good idea and start but the whole lover leaving thing can become quite cliché if you don't really dig in and make it your own somehow.
maybe some background on why this person is leaving or where they are going...