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    dots Submission Name: Crying blooddots

    Author: xana
    ASL Info:    17/F/SC
    Elite Ratio:    2.33 - 34/35/24
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 641

       random feelings. tell me what you think C:

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrying blooddots

    Crying blood on open wounds
    Howling wolves. It is full moon.
    Tombstones. Graveyard. Evil's cross
    She will walk until she's lost
    In the teachings of the sane:
    Nothing's lost if nothing's gained.
    Truer words were never spoken...
    That's a shame that she is broken.
    Blood is dropping from her veins
    Flesh hangs lose, conseals the pain.
    Crawling barely she tries
    To reveal her flashing eyes
    Full of hatered, full of lust
    Full of treachery, distrust.
    Pitch black sky recieved her corpse
    Stone for heart and no remorse

    Submitted on 2007-11-02 19:26:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      the last four lines remind me of pushkin. =]
    i like this very much, my favorite lines are
    "Blood is dropping from her veins
    Flesh hangs lose, conseals the pain."
    i like the imagery: very rich and creative.

    | Posted on 2009-01-17 00:00:00 | by Alexandra | [ Reply to This ]
      You have lots of dark imagery in this poem that you use to convey your "random feelings," but I think the rhyming in the first six lines isn't as good as the last six. The rhymes in the last six are crisp, whereas the first ones are mostly slant rhymes. You also have a lot of spelling errors, but that's always easy to fix.

    I think the line I like the most, because it is the most original, is the line "She will walk [until] she's lost." If you are considering a revision of this poem, I think you should expand and elaborate on this point.

    Thanks for the read. :)

    And don't let the bad times get you too down!
    | Posted on 2007-11-03 00:00:00 | by carousels | [ Reply to This ]

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