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When the Darkness Falls

Author: Jan
ASL Info:    19/female/PA
Elite Ratio:    4 - 227 /251 /39
Words: 150
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1194
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 954


This poem was written last night about my fear of the dark.

When the Darkness Falls

When darkness falls we lose our light.
It's a scary thing not having sight.
Not seeing the things we do all day.
When darkness falls, they fade away.
All that's left is the dreary dread,
of not knowing what lies ahead.
What lies ahead that we cannot see.
There's something there... willing to pay the fee?
Warn your friends, they might think twice,
or are they so bold to pay the price?
The price is high and the stakes are great.
Don't be a fool and take the bait.
When darkness falls... run, run I say!
Untill you see the light of day.
For if you stop one minute too soon
The darkness is forever your doom
Forever you'll wander confused and blind
The darkness will forever bind
Your life is gone.. I told you to run,
but you stopped before you reached that sun.

Submitted on 2004-06-23 13:03:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  One error I found in line 9 the should be they and thats the only thing that I found wrong. I never new that you were afraid of the dark.
| Posted on 2004-09-11 00:00:00 | by Draco | [ Reply to This ]
  Your life is gone.. I told you to run,
but you stoped before you reached that sun.

Wow, that was an awesome poem. Extremely well written, that was awesome. That was just great!
| Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by jlpurvis2001 | [ Reply to This ]
  "Your life is gone.. I told you to run,
but you stoped before you reached that sun."
I love this part. Maybe you could change it a bit though, I don't know but I think it flows more easily if you write it this way:
Your life is gone; I told you, "run"
but you stopped before you reached the sun

other than that, I thought it was lovely, rhytmic, and classical. You have some spelling errors though, on the line before the last, and the first one. now other than that, it was wonderful. i too am afraid of the dark, except not really the darkness but the sounds i hear which make me hallucinate something abnormal. Take care. xxx
| Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by wordsofmind | [ Reply to This ]
  lol the words of wisdom popped up after I submitted this poem and i thought it was talking about my poem. it was "Just because your paranoid doesnt mean they're not out to get you. i just thought that was wierd lol
| Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]

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