Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I remember youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Fadeintoreality
    Elite Ratio:    1.95 - 33/114/64
    Words: 304
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 685
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1931



    Description:
       poem


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI remember youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I remember you.
    You said you could not draw
    And I said could not write
    But I can pen you now
    With words
    I never thought to say.

    I remember you.
    We lay beneath the sky
    And cursed the stars for hiding
    And they still make me think of you
    When they laugh and when they twinkle.
    It reminds me you’re not far.

    I remember you.
    I climbed into your skin
    And hid inside
    To trace your hands and trace your heart
    The way the tears felt against your cheek
    And how the world looked through myeyes.


    I remember you.
    Love snuck up on us like
    Winter did when we were children.
    I caught all your words in tissues
    And you returned them to me
    Wrapped in gold.

    I remember you.
    We broke our childhood threads
    As we collided and
    I kept our
    Frozen feet and star-strewn limbs
    On a Christmas chain so full of promise.

    I remember you.
    You were so happy there with me
    And when you laughed you
    Warmed the frozen air.
    You built a trench filled up with wonder
    And as we lay I watched you sleep.


    I remember you.
    The flowers felt like styrofoam but
    At least I could pretend,
    And as they drank the water dry
    I could not stop
    The flow of change.

    I remember you.
    The rose you gave me died from cold
    And you nagged me for a half-empty glass.
    My lipstick’s on my coffee cup tonight:
    A broken promise that you’ll be
    The only thing to keep me up.

    I remember you,
    My second-nature love
    And sometimes I can hear you whisper.
    Pine trees in the darkness dance to your tune
    And the empty riverbeds
    Sing your name.




    Submitted on 2007-11-04 23:19:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really loved this, and I happened to really like the repition, and all of your lines seemed to fit perfectly. I really liked it good job. and the theme behind it was something i was able to connect with easily. nice work
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the poem
    Disliked the reppition I think it detracted from its natural Strength.
    Good.
    ~Karrie
    | Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      I personally enjoyed the theme of the poem and the last line definately was a great way to end...I'm not too fond of the repetition though...but I love it seasonal love poetry, so it wasnt annoying enough to stop reading. But all in all, your poem left me smiling and I look forward to reading more of your work. :-)
    | Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by reveries | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    152184

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Carry written by saartha
    The World written by jjd
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry