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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: But I'd Kill To Touch Your Shadowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flowerinbloom
    ASL Info:    22/M/Earth (I think)
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 700/559/123
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 850



    Description:
       Got the title and idea from Nikki (razor2therosary formerly liv2lovethepain formerly...no i think thats it). Tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBut I'd Kill To Touch Your Shadowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Angels die everytime you speak
    but I'd kill to touch your shadow.
    Its queer the things you do to me
    but I would follow you till tomorrow.
    Heaven's lights are dimming again,
    salvation slowing to a crawl,
    things used to be so much better then
    when God was on the wall.
    You're the darkest soul I've ever met,
    you pull happiness from the heart
    but I would follow you, ready, set,
    go, I'm with you from the start.
    Shakespeare never wrote like this,
    he had demons under his bed.
    Cupid's arrow would be sure to miss
    the target on your head.
    Your kisses crush me and make me weak
    but I'd kill to touch your shadow,
    if ever you stopped doing these things to me
    my tears would feel so hollow.




    Submitted on 2007-11-05 07:47:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the poem. It was like a riddle. It was great in imagery and flow. It was dark but yet showed a soft side. Good work!

    Donna
    | Posted on 2008-01-08 00:00:00 | by PrettyHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      I found this piece to be a delicious mixture of her conspiring and your desiring coming together to make a wonderful game of cat and mouse...with you being a most willing mouse. Clever piece my friend.
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Oooh this is nice the title really grabbed me and you never lost my attention.

    Correy
    | Posted on 2007-12-01 00:00:00 | by AnotherNobody | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great, Jay! All of us guys have fallen for gals that we knew were bad for us, but we just couldn't resist! This was a difficult subject to write a meaningful poem on, and I think you have done an outstanding job with it!
    | Posted on 2007-11-14 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Jermaine!

    The title sucked me in ~ just because of Nikkki. I'll tell you what - Excellently done. I'm not going to sit here and repeat, but pretty much everything Nikkki said ~ ditto.

    "Your kisses crush me and make me weak"
    Excellent line.

    Now, I'm off to read the one I came here for in the first place.

    Lisa
    | Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this its so beautiful and filled with great imagery and emotion, but one thing i didnt really like was the last line, it kind of killed the poem for me I mean I understood its context but that line seemed to need more build up, but it could just be me. Great write.
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      Another one, i'm ur best friend and even I dont know where you get these ideas. No doubt you are talented thats besides the point, but the things you write are beyond a person with a pen and paper. Good write. Love it all the way

    Sinfully wounded,
    Brian

    You know what i'm talking about,
    guess i can say i've done it all now
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]
      Well... This is a fine poem, the rhyming is almost perfect. I like it BUTT what's up with this line?
    "Its queer the things you do to me"
    I don't know man I think there must be better words to fit into a rhyme than those... Oh and the ending could be better too.
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      You have a wonderful way of making such sad things sound lovely.

    "Shakespeare never wrote like this,
    he had demons under his bed.
    Cupid's arrow would be sure to miss
    the target on your head."

    That's amazing... Well, the whole thing is, but that part's my favorite. It just kind of stuck out, you know?

    "things used to be so much better then
    when God was on the wall."

    Yeah, but it was probably just an illusion anyway. Most things are these days.

    I really like the way you mentioned all the bad things about the person, then ended it with...
    "if ever you stopped doing these things to me
    I would die and fill with sorrow."

    Good stuff.

    Oh, and the description made me laugh. Haha I love it.


    You're too awesome.

    As always,
    beautifully done.

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      I may be simple minded, but it was sorta confused me O.o I think i sorta understand it... You love someone so much you would kill just go get close enough to them to be in their shadow? lol I don't know sorry, but i really did like the way you set it up that was cool.
    | Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by x_Broken_x | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this the whole concept of touching someones shadow or to want to be so in tune with another is very mind altering
    well written and a great topic

    sandman
    | Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Paradox. You'd Kill to be close. But. You'd Die if you stayed away.

    I love the Shakespeare Line. reminded me of a poem I wrote and I said
    "Who said Poe Knew true madness?"

    So, yeah...

    ~Karrie
    | Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]


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