Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hard Time Bluesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Roberto Santos
    ASL Info:    18/Male/India
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 118/159/75
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 573
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 466



    Description:
       Random Stuff


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHard Time Bluesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It aint so much fun/to come undone/when you're on the run/hidin' from the sun
    The streets are too small/for you to crawl/you feel just two feet tall/you can't get anything at all
    I once felt fine/but i'm now at the end of the line/i'm gonna take what's mine/down with a bottle of moonshine
    This is just me/that's all i can be/can't you fuckin' see?/i'm down on my bloody knees




    Submitted on 2007-11-05 10:02:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Lol. I just imagined this being spoken with an indian accent. I just can't stop laughing. Anyways the rhyming kinda kills the verse here. This poem needs some space. Try tuning it a bit...
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Actually if you pause and read it its awesome!!! Is it about heartbreak? It seems to be... i think you should have spaced it better and made its form easier to read but as far as the words it was amazing!!! keep up the good work and work on the order ^_^
    | Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by x_Broken_x | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    152202

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry