she will always be by your side
until she dies
until she cries
until you find out that she lies
until she disappears inside
she will no longer have to fight the night
with your bright candle light
she will not sacrafice her life
with the knife
left within her sight
she will never die
with out pride
because she survived
all this strife
because she realized
inside her mind
she wont always be right
but she still tries to fly
into the night
but soon falls out of sight
Ummm... It's good, but your rhyming is off and your structure makes the rhyming worse. I like the idea though. Though the emotion is there, it's very subtle. it was a good write, but could've been better.
Keep up the nice work, and I'll keep reading
Heh... its very edgy... put more of a form to it and a better rhyming scheme if your going to rhyme... to rhyme through part of the poem then through part of it not to it throws the reader off. Sorry the comment coulde't have been better.. but keep trying ^_^ I know you can do better.
Submission Name: disappear
