Discourse with a Reflection by crimson echo

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Submission Name: Discourse with a Reflection dots

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Author:	crimson echo
ASL Info:	21 M U.S. of A
Elite Ratio:	8 - 412/150/55
Words:	171

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	1379
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	1121

Description:
...I honestly have no idea. I'm just procrastinating on my history homework...

Discourse with a Reflection dots

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Another quiet nightmare comes
to walk the world of men.
I look upon it and I wonder
why I see what I have been.

In this mirror, blank, reflecting,
showing worlds of backward hue
I can see those lifeless eyes
and mine, still seeing you.

What place have you within my life,
reflection with my form?
What part is played by clueless light
that such bleak shadows swarm?

Why watch, you foolish sinner?
Why stand and stare me down?
You know I live, not you--Now, speak:
why stand and stare me down?

How, taunt me with the blood you drew?
Your eyes can only jest.
How, turn you with your quiet gaze?
Your own hands you detest!

Perhaps I'll teach this leaden glass
to seem more civil, yet.
You see this stone? I'll split your smile--
I'll see you civil, yet!

And so pick up the stone and throw
and sudden find--alas--
that he, who taunted me, was real,
and I within the glass.

Submitted on 2007-11-05 15:52:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Rhythm changes from 'time to time... to time too often', tho' the poem gives the impression of wanting to be a little perfect rhyming square. :)

The rhyming words, none-the-less, are exquisitly choosen, and some metaphors, like "backward hue" and "that such bleak shadows swarm" give the insight into a mind that indeed has some ability to see the world in a lyrical way.

I would not use the adjective 'quiet' for this type of nightmare - there is psychological stress hinted at in the poem, and unless you do not mean it in a sarcastic way - it does not fit. And being at the beginning, it sets the ambiance for the whole poem, and you can not relate with the anger, of what we find to be the mirror Self.

I could imagine the last stanza being the perfect motto for a horror novel / movie.

:)
| Posted on 2008-10-25 00:00:00 | by -Lith-Ium- | [ Reply to This ]
  This is brilliant, and expertly structured, with excellent rhyme and meter! The story is outstanding, with the dark philosophical truism that we don't see ourselves as we are, particularly our worst faults and our darkest character traits! This is just truly a remarkable and amazing write! Bravo!
| Posted on 2008-01-27 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  You are absolutely brilliant. This seems to me something like a modern day Blake, but with your own unique twist. This was beautiful and I could feel myself falling into the rhythm of it, and putting myself there, in a room lit only by a guttering candle, or sunlight filtered through gauzy curtains in late afternoon. I stand before a mirror, a look of disgust and contempt contorting my features and in one hand I hold a stone. I watch my own motions with hatred and anger and I am fighting against this horrible part of me until I can no longer handle these feelings that are ripping me up, making me feel horrible and ludicrous and overwrought until i rear back and slam the stone, and my fist, into the mirror. In that same moment I not only phsyically shatter my hand, and the blood flow in crimson rivers over dark wood, but my ego, my soul shatters and will have to be rebuilt

anyway, thats what I got from this, what I felt.
for whatever reason I liked this verse
"Perhaps I'll teach this leaden glass
to seem more civil, yet.
You see this stone? I'll split your smile--
I'll see you civil, yet!"

but the first one
"Another quiet nightmare comes
to walk the world of men.
I look upon it and I wonder
why I see what I have been."
is still my favorite

spiffy
xoxo
| Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, that was a wonderfully well written. I was reminded of Robert Frost and the similar ways of writing. Inverting sentences and such. It's hard to find someone who can manipulate words in that way. I’ve always gone for the straight-forward sentences because I’m not sure if I could do this type of style. But it is one of my favorite styles to read.

The purposefully repeated words on two of your stanzas were good. The first one through me off but the second one showed your deliberate flow and not the fact that you were unable to procure a word.

The last stanza and its big twist of events could've held deep with meaning in a metaphor standpoint or it could've just been point blank dark story. Picture of Dorian Gray-esque. Although it's dark ending was actually the most entertaining quality.

I don't know if you put much weight on your rhythm, it was a bit off in a stanza but it wasn't noticeable. The only thing that I got confused at was where you started talking about the reflection doing things. First you were wondering why it looked the way it looked and then why it just stared at you and then suddenly it was an evil entity. Unless the meaning was the speaker became more insane and forgot where the line was between reflection and itself. Or I missing the meaning altogether.

Well thanks for the read!

Sincerely,

Kristine

| Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.