[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: There's Somethingdots

    Author: Keaton Volkov
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 22/17/13
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 869
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 840

       I wrote this for my girlfriend. I think it's pretty obvious as to what the meaning is, isn't it?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThere's Somethingdots

    There’s Something - Zach Reneau

    There’s something in her eyes,
    Those minute pools of brown;
    There has to be, for look at them,
    And your life’s turned upside down.

    There’s something in her hair,
    Her soot-colored locks of steel,
    She says that they are only there
    For my clumsy hands to feel.

    There’s something in her lips,
    That no mortal man should touch;
    I feel so unworthy
    When against my own they brush,

    There’s something in her hands,
    The ones I dare to grasp;
    And every waking moment I pray
    That this touch won’t be the last.

    There’s something in her feet,
    Under which hearts have been crushed.
    I say “I won’t be next, my dear.”
    She says “I know this much.”

    Submitted on 2007-11-05 21:06:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      it seems that you have found the one that you are in love with.... good job but the things is does she feel the same about you and like caster said that the flow of this poem is brillant and the lines

    ''And every waking moment I pray
    That this touch won’t be the last.''

    shows that you care for her deeply and don't want to lose her

    good write and keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by poet09 | [ Reply to This ]
      there's something very sweet and innocent about this poem that i adore. like pure love flowing onto a page. obviously, i really enjoyed it.

    i like the structure of it alot. how you took different aspects of your girlfriend and spoke poetically about them.

    you did a good job of describing things and rhyming them without forcing rhyme into them. there was a nice, logical flow to the whole piece.

    i like the way you described her; her hair as 'soot locks of steel', for example.

    there was one line i didnt understand and was wodnering if you might explain it to me.

    'those minute pools of brown'.

    obviously, i understand its a line about the color of her eyes, i just dont get the 'minute pool' part of it.

    love is one of the only pure and wonderful things we have left in the world today and you did a good job of expressing your love for your girlfriend here. im sure she loved it.

    keep writing

    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]