[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: There's Somethingdots

    Author: Keaton Volkov
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 22/17/13
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 944
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 840

       I wrote this for my girlfriend. I think it's pretty obvious as to what the meaning is, isn't it?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThere's Somethingdots

    There’s Something - Zach Reneau

    There’s something in her eyes,
    Those minute pools of brown;
    There has to be, for look at them,
    And your life’s turned upside down.

    There’s something in her hair,
    Her soot-colored locks of steel,
    She says that they are only there
    For my clumsy hands to feel.

    There’s something in her lips,
    That no mortal man should touch;
    I feel so unworthy
    When against my own they brush,

    There’s something in her hands,
    The ones I dare to grasp;
    And every waking moment I pray
    That this touch won’t be the last.

    There’s something in her feet,
    Under which hearts have been crushed.
    I say “I won’t be next, my dear.”
    She says “I know this much.”

    Submitted on 2007-11-05 21:06:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      it seems that you have found the one that you are in love with.... good job but the things is does she feel the same about you and like caster said that the flow of this poem is brillant and the lines

    ''And every waking moment I pray
    That this touch won’t be the last.''

    shows that you care for her deeply and don't want to lose her

    good write and keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by poet09 | [ Reply to This ]
      there's something very sweet and innocent about this poem that i adore. like pure love flowing onto a page. obviously, i really enjoyed it.

    i like the structure of it alot. how you took different aspects of your girlfriend and spoke poetically about them.

    you did a good job of describing things and rhyming them without forcing rhyme into them. there was a nice, logical flow to the whole piece.

    i like the way you described her; her hair as 'soot locks of steel', for example.

    there was one line i didnt understand and was wodnering if you might explain it to me.

    'those minute pools of brown'.

    obviously, i understand its a line about the color of her eyes, i just dont get the 'minute pool' part of it.

    love is one of the only pure and wonderful things we have left in the world today and you did a good job of expressing your love for your girlfriend here. im sure she loved it.

    keep writing

    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Stretto written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Legends written by poetotoe
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]