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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: There's Somethingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Keaton Volkov
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 22/17/13
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 853
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 840



    Description:
       I wrote this for my girlfriend. I think it's pretty obvious as to what the meaning is, isn't it?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThere's Somethingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There’s Something - Zach Reneau

    There’s something in her eyes,
    Those minute pools of brown;
    There has to be, for look at them,
    And your life’s turned upside down.

    There’s something in her hair,
    Her soot-colored locks of steel,
    She says that they are only there
    For my clumsy hands to feel.

    There’s something in her lips,
    That no mortal man should touch;
    I feel so unworthy
    When against my own they brush,

    There’s something in her hands,
    The ones I dare to grasp;
    And every waking moment I pray
    That this touch won’t be the last.

    There’s something in her feet,
    Under which hearts have been crushed.
    I say “I won’t be next, my dear.”
    She says “I know this much.”




    Submitted on 2007-11-05 21:06:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      it seems that you have found the one that you are in love with.... good job but the things is does she feel the same about you and like caster said that the flow of this poem is brillant and the lines

    ''And every waking moment I pray
    That this touch won’t be the last.''

    shows that you care for her deeply and don't want to lose her

    good write and keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by poet09 | [ Reply to This ]
      there's something very sweet and innocent about this poem that i adore. like pure love flowing onto a page. obviously, i really enjoyed it.

    i like the structure of it alot. how you took different aspects of your girlfriend and spoke poetically about them.

    you did a good job of describing things and rhyming them without forcing rhyme into them. there was a nice, logical flow to the whole piece.

    i like the way you described her; her hair as 'soot locks of steel', for example.

    there was one line i didnt understand and was wodnering if you might explain it to me.

    'those minute pools of brown'.

    obviously, i understand its a line about the color of her eyes, i just dont get the 'minute pool' part of it.

    love is one of the only pure and wonderful things we have left in the world today and you did a good job of expressing your love for your girlfriend here. im sure she loved it.

    keep writing

    xo.
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]


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