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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Black widowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CharlieKat
    ASL Info:    15/Female/Under your bed
    Elite Ratio:    4.43 - 9/10/10
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Them
    Total Views: 131
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1623



    Description:
       Just a song


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlack widowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I haven't posted anything in a good long while, things have come up for me so I don't write, or whatever I write I think is crap. Anyway, I wrote a song a little while back, it's grown on me, I need to figure out a tune to go with it.

    -

    Hush my darling
    Don't dare cry
    If the black widow hears
    You'll be the first to die

    She'll keep you comfortably
    Tangled in a web of her lies
    Wrapped up so tight
    You'll never see the nearing of your demise

    Poison words like a drug
    She'll make you beg and scream for more
    As the venom rushes through your veins
    Slowly turning you into a rotting corpse

    She's the mistress of misery and death
    You'll struggle endlessly and cry
    Wishing that you had never stumbled int her nest
    Your soul she'll eat as her prize

    Poison words like a drug
    She'll make you beg and scream for more
    As the venom rushes through your veins
    Slowly turning you into a rotting corpse

    It's too late now
    You'll never be free
    In just a few moments
    You'll be a lifeless shell like everybody

    Poison words like a drug
    She'll make you beg and scream for more
    As the venom rushes through your veins
    Slowly turning you into a rotting corpse

    Hush now my darling
    Don't dare cry
    If the black widow hears...If she hears
    You be the first to die.




    Submitted on 2007-11-05 22:56:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hush my darling
    Don't dare cry

    these first two lines make me think of the nursery rhyme 'hush little baby please dont cry'
    i dont know if you realise this. i dont know if you want to do anything about it. but i thought i would make you aware how similar these lines are...


    most of this piece seems to be lines i have read a million times on this site before. i dont mean to sound harsh. im just trying to be honest.

    tangled in her web of lies

    this is a line used in many pieces and it has gotten to the point where it is hard to use it effectively. i dont know. i guess you could maybe come up with your own lines/images. ones that havent been used/heard before. thats part of the challenge of writing.

    your refrain about poison as a drug/crying for more is ... something. realising that drugs are never enough and youre always after another hit... just one more hit... and realising that drugs are an unnatural substance and therefore could be labelled a poison... why would you want more? if you KNEW that this hit was going to kill you would it be worth it?
    i guess it depends how needy you are... if you are hanging out for these lies then i guess you'd gladly ingest them.

    i think this could be better but youve got a decent base to work from
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]



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