It is like typographical poetry, a form that concentrates not only on the sound or meaning of words, but the concepts behind their placement and visual texture. These visual arrangements are independent of conventional poetic structures and allow an author unique control over the page. Well-known poets who use this form are Reinhold Dohl and Emmett Williams. I have even used this style. That's what I mean by not original, I'm talking about style. But you probably already knew this.
Brava! I like your presentation, it isn't very original but it is always surprising and a curiosity. I would change only one thing:
"I’m her (attire),
beholder."
To :
"I am her (attire),
beholder."
But it is a very honest poem, somehow. Honest to the point of boldness, but the voice does not seem so honest with itself as it could be. It loses its intensity somewhere, I wish I could say because levels of flair and intensity really drive this sort of thing into a whole new level, give them a whole new breed of power.
This bit is the best:
"smother her with my thirst,
her insatiable appetite, for life,
enthusiasm or (my) desire."
It brings to light to separate peoples cravings, why they collide. The voice is a lusty hunger, while hers is a screaming risk for raw risk - for adrenaline fueled heart shuddering belly trembling life, live life or die - and the voice's trembling belly will suit her hunger just fine.
Submission Name: Quenched
