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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A requiem to an antdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tradia
    ASL Info:    17/F
    Elite Ratio:    3.02 - 13/28/26
    Words: 210
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 137
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1344



    Description:
       Ahh story of me and an ant. I named her Deadsy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA requiem to an antdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The sea breeze sweetly
    caressed my errant hairs
    I fell asleep
    underneath the chairs

    A bag of sweets
    lay at my side
    half eaten
    attracting flies

    When i woke up
    an insect was eating my arm
    I rose annoyed
    and BAM the ant was gone

    I saw it spiral
    down to the floor
    the head squished
    the body destroyed

    I sat there for a minute
    wondering at the ant
    I never knew her
    i never would

    I picked it up
    almost gently
    wrapped it in a leaf
    the ant was dead and
    i was a murderess

    Would god forgive me
    or was I doomed?
    I killed an ant
    who i never knew

    I named her then
    thinking that it was best
    I dug her grave
    Put some flowers on the dirt

    And then I heard
    The ice cream man
    My toughts fled
    and the ant was dead

    I forgot about her
    ate some ice cream
    then this morning
    i saw her grave

    I prayed to god
    before i left
    that the ant
    was not in hell

    She had bit me
    I had killed her
    what else is there to say?








    Submitted on 2007-11-06 13:53:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There are some parts of this poem that shined and then others that didn't.

    "I picked it up
    almost gently
    wrapped it in a leaf
    the ant was dead and
    i was a murderess"

    "She had bit me
    I had killed her
    what else is there to say?"

    I feel like these two parts of the poem aren't needed. They don't give the reader and added information or enjoyment.

    Your structure is thown off a bit during the middle and end. You started off with a 4 lines and a rhyming scheme and you made it clear to the reader that it was your intent, so when you start to mix it up it makes the poem sound like not all of your effort was put into it.

    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by IEggman7 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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