Firelight by enigmaticone

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Submission Name: Firelight dots

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Author:	enigmaticone
ASL Info:	22/m/nh
Elite Ratio:	2.94 - 16/36/23
Words:	104

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	146
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	678

Description:

Firelight dots

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Look me in the eyes
What do you see?
The ground fissures
Gaping a ravine between my knees
Thorns envelop my body
Carving their presence in my flesh
A cold wind blows
Staggering me
Sending me closer to the drop
Mountains shackled to my bones
Keeping me from moving forward
Look me in the eyes
What do you see?
Can you see the firelight?
Sew my mouth
Break my bones
But the fire still burns
Ascending further
To the mark that I have set
And the man I will become
Keeping me warm in the harshest of cold
I have embraced the firelight

Submitted on 2007-11-06 21:58:39 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
this is i guess, beautiful.
it didn't occur to me until i finished reading it.
it's really basic.
although, the imagery is really nice.

Gaping a ravine between my knees
Thorns envelop my body
Carving their presence in my flesh
A cold wind blows

it's like, painful but it's like you need it.
i just think firelight can be embraced so much more.

Peace<3

<bleedingtears>
| Posted on 2007-11-11 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
I love the strength exuding from the vivacious life speaking here, but was disapointed at its bitter superficiality - or say, fatalism, presented within this line:

"But the fire still burns
Ascending further
Towards my place of rest"

This is such a heavy poem filled with the weight and burning and tiredness of living through anything, or survival, of fighting against yourself so that you can live...but there is that wheedling hint there of giving up, giving in, that disappointed me so bitterly. It has already lost its life by acknowledging that it is moving there, not up, not onward. A less specific somewhere else would be so much more powerful.

M.
| Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by Mandolin | [ Reply to This ]

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January 10 07
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