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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Convicteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkened_soul
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 812/868/171
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 939
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1006



    Description:
       This kind-of goes hand-in-hand with my most recent journal. I don't think the actual piece needs any explaining.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConvicteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once again, I find myself in his arms
    I want so badly for this to last
    Stirred in mix of passion and lust
    In that moment, I fall hard and fast.

    Yet this guilt consumes me
    In the moment his skin touches mine
    Overcome with a passionate rush
    Every thought escapes my mind.

    Darkness clouds over my eyes
    Blinded I feel I now must be
    Like being lost in a dark tunnel;
    I can only see the light in front of me.

    The tunnel only gets darker,
    I see nothing of circumstance
    Vaguely can I see these road blocks;
    Lost in him, lost in a trance.

    Soon reality will start to shape
    I feel the pain as the guilt consumes
    Betrayal, my love will feel
    I'm left feeling broken and used.

    Feeling such passion, such lust
    Like a heavy drug, I'm addicted
    But followed by guilt, and shame
    Like a cheater, I'm convicted.




    Submitted on 2007-11-06 22:27:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i thought this was a good write, not just cuz it rhymed well but cuz it also made sense, like you knew what you were talking about, not making up some story of something you've never experieinced. so it was easily understood and i thought these lines really stood out to me...
    "Overcome with a passionate rush
    Every thought escapes my mind"

    no explanation needed lol :) anyway, thnx for sharing this!
    | Posted on 2008-03-23 00:00:00 | by scissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this, the emotion was persented very wall, and it was projected on me while i was reading it which is always good. good job.
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. It flowed very nicely, the emotion was portrayed very well, and the rhyme was consistant. This was a very good write. Can't say I can relate, I've never been in a bind such as this. Sorry you have to be. Keep up the great work, and I'll keep reading

    »MIss MIsery«
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      welcome another person from ontario canada your post i felt was really deep and goes deep into the power of passion or obsession either one it was a great thought process

    i dont worry to much about spelling or grammer either it can be corrected anytime

    sandman
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      its cool though there are some mistakes like in verse 2 line3 instead of the overcomed you used there you would have said i am overcomed with a passionate rush and every thought escapes my mind . inpoetry it will e call enjament because the ideals flow throuh all the lines.The same in verse three line3 try to refine the thoughts that come to your head so that they can e readale because they seem fine to you but wouldnt to others.
    its is a nice poem but you will be better that you are if you rememer your punctuation, they are necessary in written english .
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by kingsley | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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