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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Opiate of Mysterydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FallenGrace
    ASL Info:    29 already?/m/ga
    Elite Ratio:    5.67 - 360/375/90
    Words: 210
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 139
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1470



    Description:
       No patterns, no punctuation. No moral, no imitations.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOpiate of Mysterydots
    -------------------------------------------


    On a cold dark day
    clouds lower their weight, white and supremely dense
    the stuff of dreams heavy on shoulders
    burdened and borderline broken
    hairline fractured
    and un-mistakenly spoken
    words of silence through glances stolen
    come angels in disguise, in name only

    if fate would seem so dark a scene
    that she’d look away
    worlds would weep forgetting the future
    only gray remains,
    like wood piles and oil stains
    searching the forest in vain
    for a single pine needle

    Her eyes, her eyes
    small solace it seems
    to burn so bright at night for me
    and fade away, each morning each day
    like a firefly deprived a mate

    a wraith of disease
    of hope and all those silly things
    "Save me" too easy
    no saving, no salvation
    turned her back on mountains
    for life under the sea
    for fear and loss and insecurity
    for ignorance disguised as bliss
    for life inside the darkest pit

    "lift your fingers to mine" she said
    she said
    such things
    lullabies wrapped in
    thinly veiled lies
    yet so comforting
    each little line can be
    words the opiate of mystery
    drugged up
    we’ll follow along blindly
    waiting for her again
    for her
    we’d wait eternally





    Submitted on 2007-11-07 14:15:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is becoming quite the habit james [though i hope my saying so didnt jinx anything ]

    i quite enjoy how this is nothing.
    my writings always turn into something. completely on accident. even if i set out for it to be nothing... to not rely on conventions used for more impact.

    you have used nothing to your advantage here because the reader is able to find their own lines to read between or emphasize

    she is a mystery.
    you make her sound so wonderful and worth waiting so long for.
    i am not sure of my commitment to her but the opiate of mystery would insist that i be drawn in and left wanting more from this piece... that i would wait eternally to find the truth behind this entity...


    i really like your take on needle in a haystack...
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Brava! I almost didn't read this, I am not sure why but was richly rewarded in doing so. I love the heavy sense of it all, like a sagging of a wet blanket hung over yourself, lying in the woods with these dense and deep smells - the wine flavors of earth.
    It was so heavy, really, almost like a poetic asphyxiation.

    One critique because I thought it ripped the mystery and beauty from everything was "lullabies wrapped in
    thinly veiled lies" but if you weren't writing for beauty,
    you hit the heart wood dead and center.

    M.
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by Mandolin | [ Reply to This ]


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