Helpless by enigmaticone

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Submission Name: Helpless dots

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Author:	enigmaticone
ASL Info:	22/m/nh
Elite Ratio:	2.94 - 16/36/23
Words:	133

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	133
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	878

Description:
This is just old feelings of how I felt when I was in a terrible place.

Helpless dots

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Sitting alone in the desolate place
A place the sun cannot reach
Bird chatters sound like demons screeching
A chill runs down my spine
The willows reach for me
Grabbing me, strangling me
An escape not available to my eyes
I cry to myself alone
Fear and shadows are all I know
Inside of my prison
Cold and moist
Cigarette smoke lingers
Chasing the happy thoughts from me
Murder, rape, and insanity
The new world that has claimed me
Engulfed in all the evil of the world
Searching for the spark of hope
But finding none
I cry to myself alone
My tears nothing but weakness
Felt by all to exploit it
As they approach
All I feel is sorrow and helplessness
The bitter end feels near
Hoping it claims me quick

Submitted on 2007-11-07 14:54:55 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
This is exactly the type of thing I like to read. I love it.
Usually when I read things these days, my mind tends to wander, but this one kept my attention the whole time.
The way you described that "terrible place" is fantastic. I could feel the emotions you put into every word.
Plus, you didn't make it too specific, therefore many people can relate in different ways (in my opinion).
I'm in a similar place now, so this kind of ripped my heart out and shoved it down my throat... metaphorically, of course.

But should "quick" in the last line be "quickly?" I'm no good with grammar, so I'm not really sure. But whatever, I enjoyed this.

Beautifully done.
-nikkki
| Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
It seems like everyone goes through a time like that at some point, and like me and many others, you turned to writing to vent out all the bad things. To me, I see a young teen becoming more acquainted with the world than that person might want to be, and all the bad things basically just suck. I know that's what happened to me. You become less naieve and things start to hit you hard. Overall an ok write. It seems like this is more of a vent than something you intended to be meticulously critiqued, so I'm not going to delve into all the little details.

keep writing
~Venia
| Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]

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