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He made her jealous on purpose he tried. When the girl asked, "Do you love her?" on purpose he lied. He played with jealousy like it was a game. Little did he know Things would never be the same. His plan was working but he had no clue. How wrong things would go, the damage he would do. One night she broke down, feeling very alone. Just her and the blade, no one else home. She dialed his number, he answered, "Hello" She told him she loved him and hung up the phone. He raced to her house just a minute too late. Found her lying in blood, her heart had no rate. Beside her was a note, in it her confession. Her love for this boy, her only obsession. As he read the note, he knelt down and cried. Grabbed her knife, that night they both died. She was found in his arms, both of them dead. Under her note his handwriting said: "I loved her so. She never knew, all this time I loved her too." |
I found this an alright piece, enough to keep me going till the end but I wished their was a little more feeling behind. I read it almost like it had been written before. written many times and was now almost common. I think a few more specific details or images could really set this piece apart. on a more positive note the ryhming was consistent and it had a nice flow. | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by poppi | [ Reply to This ] | |