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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It Takes Onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    20/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    7.32 - 794/762/298
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 164
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1255



    Description:
       One person can block an opportunity for so many people


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt Takes Onedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It takes the claws of one greedy man
    To steal the opportunity of others
    And block the door to which he passed.
    That door could have been a lifesaver
    For those who had no better place to go,
    Our lives are harder all because of you.

    Because of your selfish narcissistic decision
    Of taking more than you’ve bargained for,
    Others have to pay the price for your mistake.
    We’re on trial being evaluated by other people
    Trying to present the best defensive argument
    Hoping that door will make an exception and open.

    It takes one person to screw with the system
    And all of a sudden, it’s society’s fault,
    For the saying “we’re one for all and all for one”,
    It’s our job to raise a more conscious person.
    We didn’t know you, we didn’t teach you
    But we’re responsible because you represent us.

    Because you thought you’d get away with it,
    You got your dirty fingers stuck in the jar
    Contaminating all that had some life inside
    And restricting all that used to be free to us.
    You didn’t think of the battle we’d fight for
    Now, we’re proving our innocence due to you.





    Submitted on 2007-11-07 17:36:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      It takes the claws of one greedy man
    To steal the opportunity of others
    And block the door (through) which he passed.
    That door could have been a lifesaver
    For those who had no better place to go,
    Our lives are harder all because of you.

    Because your selfish narcissistic decision
    (Took) more than you’ve bargained for,
    Others have to pay the price for your mistake.
    We’re on trial being evaluated by other people
    Trying to present (our) best defensive argument
    Hoping that door will make an exception and open.

    It takes one person to screw with the system
    And all of a sudden, it’s society’s fault,
    For the saying (is) “we’re one for all and all for one,”
    It’s our job to raise a (conscientious) person.
    We didn’t know you, we didn’t teach you
    But we’re responsible because you represent us.

    Because you thought you’d get away with it,
    You got your dirty fingers stuck in the jar
    Contaminating all that had some life inside
    And restricting all that used to be free to us.
    You didn’t think of the battle we’d fight for
    Now, we’re proving our innocence due to you.



    I don't believe this was meant strictly as a rebuke/commentary on a particular world leader, but as an observation of greed in general and unsrupulousness as a way of life. Coupling that with society's attempt to make amends to the world atlarge for such behavior is what gives this write its moral center.

    I've made a few suggestions in the text of the post concerning word choice, but for the most part this write is fine as it is.

    Take care Irina
    Bill
    | Posted on 2007-11-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm assuming you're talking 'bout the President here, so bear with me if I'm off base.

    While I want to agree with alot of what you are saying, I just don't believe one person is that powerful. If he is, HELLO, we made him that way.

    Granted we don't have far-seeing, mystical ways of looking into the future. We do have plenty of tools to help us out though. We have prior knowledge of what a person is capable of, and even glossed over it's still there.

    We usually have the power to choose who represents us at many levels, and we have to accept the consquences for our choices. It's to easy to say it's all 'his' fault. While I don't defend our agree with 'him', the blame is not his alone. People in general have gotten pretty lazy, they expect this machine of a government to run perfectly, and they don't even read the manual.

    My argument isn't that we didn't raise someone the right way. It's that we put them in power fully knowing what they had done, and could do. America is full of people who just won't take the blame, and where anyone with any fame seems to be immune to consequence.

    I do you see your side of things, and my opinion is that everything, no matter how mundane, should be decided by popular vote. They say absolute power corrupts absolutely for a reason.

    You conveyed your feelings very well, and told a story while you did it. Most get caught up in one or the other and tip the balance. They end up creating a monster of a thing that may be beautiful and tell nothing, or tell a story that's bland and ugly.

    Great job, keep on writing and an open mind o'course.

    peace-krys
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by ruinedsnapshots | [ Reply to This ]
      Very Strong Indeed
    While I was reading this a picture came into my mind of a terrible Preacher who said he was raising money to helpothers but was dipping into that money to support a very lavish lifestyle
    Sadly you see this way too much in our society
    Great Job on bringing this out into the open
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Completely by accident you have come up with something I think described my feelings a few weeks ago. A guy left my job leaving his position open and I wanted but because someone else, someone very stupid and unable to perform the job, took the position me and everyone else who now work for him have to suffer (or had to, I left). I really like this one. It is very true how one person can steal opportunities or ruin them by making mistakes. Anyways I feel really special because I am going to be the first one to comment on one of your works for the first time.
    ~SonAsylum aka Aaron

    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]


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