[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: you can't gimme the blues tonightdots

    Author: beth freese
    ASL Info:    18.F.Earth
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 74/113/39
    Words: 273
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1487


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyou can't gimme the blues tonightdots

    the git-tar blended real nice with the yellowness of his shirt
    and the way he sang, with his mouth all over the place,
    made your mouth curve up into what can only be recognized as a grin
    and his white and black fancy shoes, the type you’d wear with your zoot suit, tapped
    the wood board so it nudged the tambourine, convincing it to jingle along

    the man behind me nodded his head with that tambourine like he couldn’t agree more, closed his eyes for just longer than a blink and heaved a sigh that said, “tonight i ain’t got no worries” whenever a good song was over
    and the man beside me tapped his sandals filled with socks on the linoleum floor, didn’t let his work call him away, just leaned back on our less than comfortable couch and tapped his foot along.

    mr. blues man used a wine bottle neck on his finger to get his sound, and his fingers plucked away on the strings like they had nothing better to do, and you know i can’t think of one damn thing that would be better either

    his forehead was most of his head and he didn't have no hair except some grey fuzz that rested up there on his head and when he was real into the song his brows would go up and invade his forehead making you think he had wrinkles but really his skin was hugging close together, just like us on the couch.

    and all of us, we couldn’t stop grinnin’

    even though he was playin’ the blues.

    Submitted on 2007-11-08 01:44:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this. It makes you want to be there. I like the language of the piece and your creative descriptions. I had some problems with the flow in the 2nd stanza and maybe at the end. My pet peeve is socks in sandals, gives me the chills. Thanks for sharing this,

    | Posted on 2007-11-08 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]