Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If only for that second,(in that moment in time)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 552
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1204



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf only for that second,(in that moment in time)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    If only for that second,
    For that moment in time,
    When I was hers,
    And I held her as mine,
    Holding back tears,
    Tears we cried,
    I loved it whether it was real,
    Or just all in my mind,

    Together we where,
    So whole so pure,
    SO sure of it, we was loving,
    As never before of course,
    Love was fun wasnít it?
    We act, each other with,
    Trust hope and other bits,
    We never switched,
    Just give and get,
    We the otheríd give,
    Itís like good food,
    When you can feel it,
    In you skin and been,
    Love so good,
    That ďlikeĒ canít be,
    A synonym,
    For once in my life,
    I could understand,
    Women and,
    Giving didnít seem so hard,
    Roses crimson, with hugs,
    With love,
    Can you see what I mean?
    But it wasnít my decision,
    It was all just a dream

    If only for that second,
    For that moment in time,
    When I was hers,
    And I held her as mine,
    Holding back tears,
    Tears we cried,
    I loved her whether it was real,
    Or just all in my mind,




    Submitted on 2007-11-08 08:38:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked this piece it almost leaves you having a deja vu i think we all have had one of these great moments in our life
    as far as the grammar and spelling when i write i no i make alot of typos to so i am not as critical as the other comment
    anywaz good stuff

    sandman
    | Posted on 2007-11-08 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this piece. The short lines follow the trend of modern poetry...and what's really beautiful is the expression of the moment - the time when you were hers and you held her as if she were yours.
    However, I do have some criticism as regards the grammar of the poem. Poetry is beautiful only if it traps clear emotion into clear words...however, if the grammar is riddled with mistakes and slips, it doesn't make for pleasant reading. Get your spellings and language rules right, and you'll be a fantastic example of modern poetry.
    | Posted on 2007-11-08 00:00:00 | by Roberto Santos | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    152397

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Genesis written by saartha
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry