Description: i was listening to this techno song and i like the first line jumped into my head, i want to write alot more on this if i have time is so ill call it somthing along the lines 'i wish i was...'
I Wish I Was A HeartBeat -------------------------------------------
I wish I was a heart beat
That never goes away
I wish I was a raindrop
Running down your face
I wish I was a monster
Fearing nothing in my way
I wish I was the sunshine
Leading people the way
I wish I was a sailor
Living life my way
I wish I was the wind
Traveling all the lands
I wish I was a ghost
Walking through the halls
I wish I was the moon
Looking at the earth
I wish I was a drop of blood
So I run through your body
I wish I was a king
Ruling all the land
I wish I was shooting star
Wished upon the sky
I wish I was warrior
Fighting everyday
I wish I was a genie
Making wish come true
I wish I was alive
Filling all my needs
I wish I was lady sadness
Coursing though your veins
I wish I was a ballon
Flying high about the sky
I wish I was fire
Lighting people way
I wish I was karma
Punishing those who waste
I wish I was a god
Feeling no such pain
I wish I was ocean
Always worth the wave
I wish I was lover
No more dirty fights
now here i am wishing away
sitting here every day
wishing my life away
Hey awesome job on the ending. I really like the choice of words and stucture for the ending and even though it was a very simple ending, it ended it beautifully. Superb!!
holy holy holy flippin cows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GREATTTTTTTTTTTT job. im glad that you took my advice and added something to it! supurb!!!
i love how you ended. and you didnt use one of my endings. which is great! because i think that a poeem should be one person's only! super job. the ending you used was perfest. a great way to wrap it up!
love love love it!!
im so glad you used my advice. it is a super poem. im now adding it to my favorites!
To me this poem was rather unique. The way you repeated the "I wish I was..." throughout was interesting. I will say that from my own personal opinion i think it was a little long to keep the idea interesting. I became a little distracted about three quarters the way through it.
Also, the ending seemed a little abrupt. It felt like it had no closure. Left me wanting.
I really enjoyed it though. I found it unique and creative. Keep up the good work.
i really liked it. it was very good the way that you repeated the first part "i wish i was..."
very good parallelisum. i liked it alot!!!
the one main thing i have to say is that you should put something at the end that really moves you. your poem just sort of ends. you should have something at the end that ties it all together and makes it all makes sense. perhapes the last stanza should NOT start with "i wish i was..." maybe it could be different. it might have more of an effect on people if you do it like that. maybe something like:
"but i know i am not what i wish to be
no matter how much i long for it"
or you could try something that rhymes only the last two lines like:
"but wishing wont let me be
and thing but me"
Submission Name: I Wish I Was A HeartBeat
