Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Revlon the Mascara


Author: Suven7
ASL Info:    20 female Fla
Elite Ratio:    7.08 - 478 /260 /47
Words: 71
Class/Type: Poetry /Being a Teen
Total Views: 942
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 545



Description:


Inspired by cosmetics.


Revlon the Mascara



Their eyes were hidden

Behind unflattering clumps
Of Revlon Luxurious Length
Mascara

Behind unnaturally tinted
Contact lenses

With every blink, tiny clumps
Shook loose from
Each exaggerated lash,
Falling snuggly into the
Whites of their eyes

And their eyes turned
Red
- No more fake baby blue
Sunshiny days
- Just red spider webs
etched on the fabrics
of their skies.






Submitted on 2007-11-08 17:04:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I like this a lot! Loved the lines " Just red spider webs etched on the fabrics
of their skies."
Very well writen and I could see it all in my clear windows (smile)
Thanks for sharring.
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2007-11-17 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  yah, I don't know either.
well, ate..You're trying too hard to be unique.
lol
| Posted on 2007-11-12 00:00:00 | by Fearless | [ Reply to This ]
  Ha! That's where vanity takes you. Red, itchy eyes.

Nice, original idea. Cosmetics. Can't say I've ever seen a poem about cosmetics before. I've seen one on fashion, but not cosmetics.

"And their eyes turned
Red
- No more fake baby blue
Sunshiny days
- Just red spider webs
etched on the fabrics
of their skies." --> This last stanza is my favourite. I can just see the bloodshot eyes, the red webs on their skies that are their eyes.

BLOODSHOT EYES ARE FIERCENESS!

.....
Sorry about that...I get excited sometimes.

Anyways, many points for good humour, imagery, and an original idea. Kudos.

Keep up the good writing!
| Posted on 2007-11-08 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



152428