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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Musedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 517
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 662



    Description:
       Very elementary...but I don't care. It worked for me at the moment...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Musedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You're the one
    That rekindled my desire
    And you're the flame
    That set my mind on fire

    You're the song
    That makes me want to sing
    And you're the reason
    I want the phone to ring

    You have the face
    That I see when I close my eyes
    And you're the truth
    That lurks behind the lies

    You have the hands
    That have touched my skin
    And you're the man
    That makes me want to love again

    You're the path
    That I never wanted to choose
    You are everything
    My destruction and my muse




    Submitted on 2007-11-08 22:11:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Perfect meter! This was a real good poem and it sounded like it gave you hope to live again.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-11-12 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is simple, but it works for me too :)
    I feel this piece, and I like the end, although it was unexpected. One nitpicky suggestion, maybe you could change the "You're" to You are, just so that each 1st line has even syllables, for consistency. "The path you never wanted to choose" I can relate to that. It sucks when you can foresee how a path can lead to destruction and pain, and you take it anyway. My poem Warm Fuzzies is about feelings I have for someone, but if I share them, I'd be going down a path that could lead to a lot of hurt (mostly me). You inspired me to write another poem about her, thanks alot.
    I really do like this piece,
    nice work,
    nicely
    | Posted on 2007-11-10 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]


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