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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: There's Mutiny Afootdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 463
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 843



    Description:
       Drunk at Jaz's...just observing what's going down.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThere's Mutiny Afootdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I like this funny feeling in my head
    Fuzzy, yet ever so clear
    Sighing is almost pleasurable
    It's odd, really

    The bottle sinks lower
    And morale rises higher
    I need some consoling
    But I don't know why

    Odd trips to the bathroom
    There's mutiny afoot...
    I just know it
    But they laugh in my face

    Gnawing on my pen
    Because I must have something in my mouth
    At all times
    I've never really understood it

    Tension, tension, tension
    You could cut that shit with a plastic knife
    I have one in my bag
    Wonder if someone wants to borrow it

    R-E-S-P-E-C-T
    How is that respectful?
    I'm saying no
    Both of you...this is fucked up.




    Submitted on 2007-11-08 22:12:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      these are definately some random thoughts, but interesting ones. I'd like to see if you do anymore with them. I'm still not sure what the "mutiny" connects to, but it's a funny line.
    thanks for sharing.

    nicely
    | Posted on 2007-11-10 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      A very interesting write, at first you are cheerful and happy, liking how you feel, but soon it becomes more serious and depressed, showing the stages of being drunk.
    Just one thing i would change, in the line "I just know it" if you can add one more foot you,ll have Iambic trimeter in that stanza, i know this is not a poem but only a matter of opinion.

    I liked your thoughts
    | Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]


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