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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Death's Loverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamer_s_angst
    Elite Ratio:    2.93 - 4/5/5
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 77
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1263



    Description:
       This is sort of weird and abstract. Dark, too. I'd like feedback, though... is this shallow?, Morbid?, Captivating?, or just cheap?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeath's Loverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Floating, face to the black night,
    the moon, full and round in my eyes.
    Floating on the serene lake of tears –
    the clear, innocent blood bath of my heart,
    turned black by rejection,
    black as the devil-cursed night -
    Black – the death longings I fight.

    Floating in my lake of tears,
    trembles of muse, chilling relief -
    I’m not drowning!
    But the freakish black of the sky
    presses down against me,
    Death resting its heavy weight,
    harmless, now, but weary,
    lying down to sleep upon me.
    I’m not afraid but welcome its morbid companionship.

    It’s not hungry, just tired,
    spent after a day of slaying victims,
    of satisfying, quenching their vicious thirst...

    The thirst of they who drunkenly lust
    for sweet revenge against themselves,
    gulping Death’s poisonous blood like vampires,
    anticipating the excitement of that last breath.
    Only sad to miss the tragedy thereafter –
    Weeping, wailing of the ones who loved
    now left with a freakish nightmare
    and a devilish ghost resembling the lost –
    Ghost of the truth – Death’s lover.




    Submitted on 2007-11-08 23:08:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I can almost feel the dark anger of that night trying to push you under, deeper in your own sorrows.

    You begin with a rhyme pattern in the first stanza but then losing it completely during the course of your journey.

    I like the first stanza, but it almost feels like your running out of things to say, repeating the same metaphors and themes.

    I think you’ve got a good imagination and would like to see a story soon.

    welcome to ES :)
    | Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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