Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Dreamt of People I Never Metdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CaughtRedhanded
    ASL Info:    18/F/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 94/41/22
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1172
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 805



    Description:
       First poem I've put up in a very very long time... just thought I'd put this out there...
    Bash the Hell out of it!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Dreamt of People I Never Metdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Last night wasn't as bad as the night before
    I dreamt of people that I never met
    Wished for everything to be right
    My clock stopped on 2:13…

    I told the truth "you can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true"

    The city lights strangle the life from every star
    and leave the sky a sickly orange/black
    If this is good enough, then maybe
    I can forget about hating myself for this moment
    I’ll take my last deep breath,
    and rest my head by the light of this town
    as it burns to ashes…


    We left all our hopes and dreams
    locked in the kerosene soaked walls of my bedroom


    We strike up conversations like matches…




    Submitted on 2007-11-09 09:01:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey thanks for th review here anyway...

    why 2;13? times are always very strange in these settings i felt a little uncomfortable not understanding the significance? also the sylable lenght threw me

    the city lights bit is lovely really sweet
    though ive personally at time enjoyed that orange, bit of nostalgia y'know.
    the hating self bit seem too angsty for me but probably cas i was thsame a few yrs ago.

    and then u return to beautiful imagery again
    VWe strike up conversations like matches. well done.
    horrible to do Pr but i hav music on myspace.com/billythebrand if you been interested in checking it out and seeing if it strikes anythin for you.wud be nice but not necessary. thanks
    | Posted on 2008-01-09 00:00:00 | by billythebrand | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    152471

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry