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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hallway Of Painted Doorsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: oononotthatguy
    ASL Info:    35 M Fernley ,Nv
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 48/15/15
    Words: 270
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 838
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1395



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHallway Of Painted Doorsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Life is always uncertain such as time. Just like
    a long corridor with doorways on both sides.
    A simple phrase in front of each one.

    And you take that fateful step forward,
    the door shuts behind you.
    All there is a silent
    mess of paint and glass. Colors of red, black,
    green and turquoise dripping down the walls.
    The colors are both bright and beautiful, dull and painfull.

    The simple things of before are gone. A true
    artist has been here. The one who is smiling, hammer in one hand, paintbrush in the other.

    Ooh How sweet the taste of pain to them. Like a sweet oil.

    "No colors anymore I want them painted black...... paint it black I dont want to see it anymore."
    There smile is jaded, crooked are their
    glances. There is no method to there
    madness. Like a dumb bull they lean into the walls, turning paint grey.

    And then they're gone. The door left wide open.
    All the while paint weighs heavy in the air.

    What a mess. At least they wont be back.
    The sound of glass is the only thing you hear
    under your feet. Your heart is pulled down.
    Another doorway lies in wait. A simple phrase in
    front.

    Joshua German




    Submitted on 2007-11-09 14:37:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i too love the metaphorical underlining of the
    painted doors but somewhere within the

    "No colors anymore I want them painted black...... Paint it black I dont want to see it
    anymore." There smile is jaded, crooked there
    glances are. There is no method to there
    madness. Like a dumn bull they lean into the walls turning paint grey.


    i started signing the Rolling Stones song Paint it Black
    but you have a very passionate voice behind all the words...my overall assessment would be to fix the spelling error typos such as
    fathfull
    scilent
    dumn
    buitiful
    the list goes on...maybe copy and paste this into a word program or Mozilla and it will highlight them for you...i only say that because the typos make it hard to read which is a shame cause this deserves the readers attention...it's that good...yea

    Thanks for sharing
    | Posted on 2009-10-21 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this. The painted doors are an interesting concept. (I mean that in a good way.)
    The only critique I have would be to fix the spelling mistakes... which normally wouldn't bother me, but they made it kind of hard to read.
    But other than that, I really enjoyed this. It's one of the best things I've read in a while, and the imagery is excellent.
    You have a wonderful way with words.

    What else can I say?
    Good stuff.

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-11-21 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the concept of a hallway of painted doors representing life metaphorically. There's a mystique in not knowing what is behind the next one to be opened. I look forward to reading more of your work. :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-11-14 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      I know this sounds familiar have you wrote this before or read it to me. M
    | Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by mekisha4ever | [ Reply to This ]
      I particularly liked your reference to the Rolling Stones' "Paint it Black":

    "No colors anymore I want them painted black...... Paint it black I dont want to see it
    anymore."


    I like where you're headed with this piece; however, to get there, I think fixing up your various misspellings and adding an organized structure to this piece would help you. This piece is a little hard to read as it is.

    -C.L.
    | Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by Coeur Lazulis | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    152492

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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