Jenny by enigmaticone

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Submission Name: Jenny dots

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Author:	enigmaticone
ASL Info:	22/m/nh
Elite Ratio:	2.94 - 16/36/23
Words:	113

Class/Type:	Misc/Friendship
Total Views:	126
Average Vote:	3.0000
Bytes:	675

Description:

Jenny

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The cold blue whisks me away
To a place a lot like home
Warm inside and full of love
I pull up a chair
And bask in the hope
Of all things
That will one day come together
Dont fret precious
I will hold you high
And carry you while you stumble
Dont forget the times we've shared
And how I hold your hand
To make it through another day
The times are tough
The road sometimes rocky
But we must hike on
Past the pain
Past the fear
While the sun may set on our misery
The new day rises with new light
To one day wash away our darkness

Submitted on 2007-11-09 16:49:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  A sweet assurance to support a promising friendship....

There was no punctuation in this ......it would make the poem much better and more readable if you added punctuation...

You got the right ideas of enhancing true friendship in your life and your write shows commitment.

Nice work.
| Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by mdsouza | [ Reply to This ]
  So, I did have some thoughts on this one. I really, really like the idea behind this poem, the idea that true friends and relations carry each other through the rough patches in the roads and the pot holes that we come across, that ultimately, we have each other to lean on; however, the poem seems to end in the middle.

So, let me explain what I mean by that. Your imagery and your ideas are beautifully conceived and constructed, especially in the first parts of the poem:
"The cold blue whisks me away
To a place a lot like home
Warm inside and full of love
I pull up a chair
And bask in the hope
Of all things
That will one day come together"
The air of reminiscence and longing, and remembrance is tangible in these words, and you succeed in perpetuating your message through to the end--but you never tie it off with a definite close. You introduce darkness in the last lines:
"The new day rises with new light
To one day wash away our darkness"
and yet you do not explain the darkness or give images of it. It feels as if you cut the poem off, where you should have continued to write. You are on the right track! I adore what you have so far, and I would love to see what you can do with it to make it more fully fledged.

♥ Maevity
| Posted on 2007-11-10 00:00:00 | by Maevity | [ Reply to This ]
  Is Jenny your own true love? I wish I had a true love of my own. Soon, very soon, but not now.

I like the message you portray here. It can best be summed up by the saying:
"Together we stand, divided we fall"
And love, "love will keep us together." (aaah! Captain and Tennille!) Sorry, couldn't resist.

"hold your hand" --> a beautiful symbol of togetherness. By holding onto each other you keep a firm grip on love and hope.

Nice poem.

Keep on writing and improving!
| Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]

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