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The Bereaved: Absence of Light

Author: jesus etc.
ASL Info:    17/f/ca
Elite Ratio:    5.09 - 31 /43 /32
Words: 150
Class/Type: Prose /Serious
Total Views: 1269
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 829


I accidentally deleted the first post, named collective disorder.

The Bereaved: Absence of Light

Overcome by a voice that trembles her senses like an earthquake, she weeps to the dead, “So much wreckage can’t be good for the universe” and nothing will change. She runs towards the cemetery gates, faster and faster in hopes of disappearing at a vanishing point, but stumbles upon the tombstone of someone she once knew. In a delirium she points her finger and says, “The days were like entries of silence until you turned me mad” but no response follows. Crying with many still bodies by her side in the glittering darkness, the stars rest their hands of light upon her shoulder, but she does not notice. As far as she is concerned, life is playing dead; Time has no meaning, and the past never left. She has lost herself in the memory of a slow requiem fading in the background as his body was laid to rest.

Submitted on 2007-11-09 17:58:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I've never commented on prose before but the title was so catchy and appealing that I decided to have a go at it with your piece.

Well, this was certainly moving and I must say that it tugged at my heart strings. I liked the imagery. I consider that this is the one feature that stands out. I just loved when you mentioned the stars having a sort of unnoticeably warming and soothing power.... I got flabbergasted by that line which is my favourite.

It's also riveting when you mention "time" being meaningless and that the past beign the present. That line, to my mind, can be interpreted in many ways, that's why I thought it was so great. In the same vein, I could say that those lines bear dark undertones which might be associated with mayhem and bewilderment.

As I said earlier I enjoyed this especially as to the imagery and the diligent choice of words.

With respect and admiration,

| Posted on 2007-11-10 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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