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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love Lostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: black_beauty18
    ASL Info:    25/Female/Hutchinson, KS
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 153/146/46
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1014
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 972



    Description:
       The moral of the story? Be honest about your feelings for the person you love... This may be the only opportunity you get.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove Lostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There once was a girl who met a guy,
    She fell head over heels in love.
    She thought of him all day and they talked all night,
    Before long, she knew he was the one.
    His kiss stole her soul, his touch penetrated her heart,
    Clearly they were meant to be.
    The journey of life destined them to part,
    She needed him, but how could she make him see?
    In a letter to him, she let her heart speak,
    It was a sad and sorrowful goodbye.
    Unfortunately the letter was wimpy and weak,
    She concealed her heart with a lie.
    The letter wished him luck and for all the best,
    But the love it didn't convey.
    In time she hoped her heart would rest,
    But with him, her heart went away.
    And so, years later, her heart is still his,
    But how did her lost love fare?
    Maybe she'll never know how, or where he is,
    But she'll always wish that she were there.




    Submitted on 2007-11-09 18:19:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      OMG! Tear! I really liked this poem, it's so sad! I agree that honesty is the most important thing in a relationship because regrets are the worst.
    I loved your poem!
    | Posted on 2007-12-30 00:00:00 | by rachel gless | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is great, really. I didn't think a lot of it till I read more towards the middle and end, at which point it really leads off very well. I'm a sucker for poems with good endings, and I think this poem has a great ending.

    I can't say I've ever quite been in this boat exactly, but I could relate fairly well, and I think the 'story' is very well told.

    Heartbreak is a sad thing, as you said to me. We HAVE all been there, but a poem about it never, ever gets old.

    -Ethan
    | Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by Inkybro | [ Reply to This ]
      The story is clearly told. Feelings are well described. I found this very easy to connect with. I felt sad for the girl ... and myself. I did and continue to do the same with an ex. Keeping my pain to myself. He seems happy though ... with someone else.
    | Posted on 2007-11-13 00:00:00 | by ssssss | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there. No wonder you could relate to my writing, One Thing in Florida. Apparently you've felt the same thing. Thanks for taking time to comment. If nothing else, it makes me feel like I'm not alone when I'm sad and trying to figure out how to spill it out into words.
    Take care.
    | Posted on 2007-11-11 00:00:00 | by amrslamr | [ Reply to This ]
      well, I feel that if you're gonna write a letter...you do it right.

    This is sad. I agree with the others, a different choice of words in certain places could have improved it. But, I also feel that it is your work, and you did what you felt was right.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2007-11-10 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with your opening comment. We are not promised tomorrow, so we need to share/show our love while we have the time.
    I also agree with beth, that this piece could be stronger. I often write without emotion, so I feel like a hypocrite saying this, but this piece needs more emotion/passion. I'm not feeling the love or the loss. Where did they meet?
    What did they talk about? What did they look like? What memory or memories make her miss him the most. I think answering those questions might give the piece more substance, help the reader identify with what you're trying to get across. I hope I was a help, and I hope to see a revised version.

    nicelyJ
    | Posted on 2007-11-10 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this poem would be a lot stronger if the word choice had been better. also most of the sentances are like she thought, she needed, she hoped, she concealed, she fell, she'll never know, she'll always wish. Maybe try to mix that up somehow. Its just such a simple structure and simple words for such a complex topic. I dont have a lot of emotional attachment to it, I'm not really feeling what the "she" in the poem feels. This tells the story but I think a good poem should show it.I'm afraid to say it doesn't feel very orginal either. I'd love to see this revised and resubmited. I'd love to read a stronger version of it, the basics of it are good I just think it still needs some improvements.
    | Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by beth freese | [ Reply to This ]


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