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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hard To Love Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 275
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 632
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1671



    Description:
       I don't know...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHard To Love Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wish that I had all the answers
    And I could be the one you want
    I wish I knew the words you long to hear
    Unfortunately, I do not
    I'm not a hippie princess
    I'm not the girl of your dreams
    But behind these sad blue eyes
    I am more than what I seem
    I think I could show you happiness
    I think I could give you more
    I don't want to put my heart on the line
    But you're the one I adore.

    I know it's hard to love me
    But I think it's worth a try
    I would never leave you empty-handed
    Never make you cry
    I know it's hard to love me
    BUt maybe it's what you need to do
    You can take a chance on me
    Cause I've taken this chance with you.

    I've briefly kissed your lips
    And I've held your hand in mine
    The passion we generate is legendary
    It could be a sign
    No one makes me laugh like you
    And you get so silly when we're alone
    Falling into conversation with you
    Oddly feels like coming home
    We were sort of thrown together
    But I think I felt it from the start
    Your smile is the catalyst
    That will make me lose my heart

    I know it's hard to love me
    It's hard for me to love myself
    Sometimes I think it's a compulsion
    That just can not be helped
    I know it's hard to love me
    But I think it's something that you could do
    Yes, I know it's hard to love me
    But maybe it's hard to love you too...




    Submitted on 2007-11-11 01:52:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      This reads like lyrics to a nice ballat or Folk song.

    Fav line

    Falling into conversation with you
    Oddly feels like coming home

    Creates a since of familiarity between the two people. Yes it seems that their not truly the equal plane they seem to be on.

    I have to agree with beth freese about the way this is worded. Kinda makes it read like it was ripped from the pages of some teenagers diary. Not that stimulating mentally. Doesn't really take me anywhere. Makes it hard to really critique. Still since i've "been there" before, there is a strong since of relatablility (is that a word?) with this piece that makes me like it anyway.

    Thanks for the read

    Spoken

    PS: Love the pic!! Nothing unstimulating about that!
    | Posted on 2008-04-16 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this.
    It had a lot of emotion in it. Plus it is relatable in multiple ways. Continue to write with your heart, it makes good work.
    | Posted on 2007-12-09 00:00:00 | by oolalaoo33 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great, Raivn! It has good form and structure, and sings along with rhyme and rythmn; plus, it tells a delightful story!
    | Posted on 2007-11-14 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Amazing Again! Not One thing I can say but brilliant!
    | Posted on 2007-11-13 00:00:00 | by lyonhart08 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'd have to disagree. I feel like I'm reading a journal entry almost. The repetion is good but I feel like some other improvements could be made. The word choice is weak, practically all ordinary words, maybe that's why I feel like I'm reading your journal, nothing stands out to me except maybe "i know it's hard to love me" and the passion we generate is legendary...which is hard for me to believe because nothing else in this poem sounds passionate to me. It sounds calm, and like you're begging which may be true. Every statement is I know or I think or You can, that sort of thing. I think you should mix it up with more statements like falling to conversation with you oddly feels like coming. Also I would take out the oddly because dont you want your relationship to seem natural? Anyway, just a few thoughts. I can tell this was well thought out and it does have some strong points but there is definitely room for improvement.
    | Posted on 2007-11-12 00:00:00 | by beth freese | [ Reply to This ]
      Exceptional write! I have no suggestions to improve what you've penned so well. Good job! Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-11-11 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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