Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Music Boxdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indi Elf
    ASL Info:    19/f/Indiana
    Elite Ratio:    5.87 - 137/132/32
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1070
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1253



    Description:
       I wrote this about a specific type of personality, most of my work is about chracteristics of others, and moods, personalities...that I have seen in others that I have studied.

    We all know this personality, I don't want to give it away, I'm sure you'll find it out. And I'm sure anyone who reads this will get something different from it, so let us leave it at that.

    Critique it as harshly as you wish, I do not care.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMusic Boxdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Music Box

    Dancing to a silver music box;
    Passing coins, for the grand coin toss.
    The tinkling music, of metal clicks,
    Blow out a candle, light it never again.

    Show up for the chorus;
    But sing out of tune,
    For all to hear,
    The reasons that it bothers you.

    Bending nails, to make the house;
    Making trails, for those to get lost.
    Only a coquette once said; only a small one,
    But a deceit filled head.

    Run from the light,
    As you always do;
    Take the side of the right--
    And we'll follow you.

    The days ahead:
    For you..
    No more.
    What lies ahead;
    Is a date set in stone.

    Your icy feel,
    Your cold heinous heart;
    Are left to shame,
    I give you a sincere thought.

    About the times,
    Sitting; watching you.
    Before you were gone---
    I already knew.
    The ethereal hands, and transient face,
    Seeing it all, it was too late.

    And as for, the silver box,
    Let down your hair, and silver locks.
    Dance alone, to silver clicks--
    A fluttering heart: left bewitched.




    Submitted on 2004-06-23 22:04:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this. The subtle nuances of meaning both dark and shiny, tinkling like little coins forgotten in a coat pocket. Hmmm, maybe they spin around on the floor before collapsing as they fall out and roll under the counter, never to be retrieved. Never to sound again. I think the poem itself can probably be improved, but you seem capable enough, so I'll leave you to it then...
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      this is brilliant... i really like this. i especially like the second stanza
    'Show up for the chorus;
    But sing out of tune,
    For all to hear,
    The reasons that it bothers you.'
    oh the ppl the world has like this... very powerful description. this is a very good write!
    | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree that this is a wonderful piece...please go back and take another look at the third line of stanza three...I questioned if you meant that as a quote or not..
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      This one was simply outstanding, I just can't get words out to explain it, and words are my life so it's quite an accomplishment. THis is taking a little trot down faves lane, most defintely. Amazing stuff, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by Phall | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was really good. I liked it a lot. I look forward to more. I kind of got quite a few personalities/moods from this, so you're right: people will get different ideas.
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    15263

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry