Nowhere land
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Description:
Writing to write. Bad mood. Life goes on.
Nowhere land
The people I live with They dont understand The lies that I live with That lead and command The changes occuring They cant even compare My lifeline is slowing And they couldnt care Ignorant to life Supportive and not "Life will go on You're just in a tough spot" Frustration builds up Respect loses hope The venting occurs The top of the slope Then all tumble down The losing-battle way Another crown is broken And dark overcomes day Such is life. Get over it. |
Submitted on 2004-06-23 22:48:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Wowie, I understand..I know you probablly think I don't but I hate how none of my friends understand, They say they do, but they don't..ya know?...isn't this suppossed to be about your poem not my life?lol...in the second stanza,second line, i think you can do without the word even.And I agree with previous poster's about taking out the word just.But hey, that's just me, other's might dissagree. -camoflage | Posted on 2004-09-21 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ] | Hehehe. Parts of this poem are bad (& parts are ok), but the ending makes it all worthwhile. The ending saves it from being just mediocre/dull. Sorry if this sounds discouraging: you're very good for your age, and I don't mean that in a patronising way. Becky |  | Posted on 2004-07-02 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ] | This write is good...i feel that a lot of teenagers could relate to this and i can really feel the emotion and frustration behind the words you chose...the poem has a nice flow except for the line: 'You're just in a tough spot' i think that maybe it would flow better if you took the word just out and that way the number of syllables would be closer to the number of syllables in the line before it...other than that this is a very good write with a very good idea behind it..keep up the good work | | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ] | I really can relate and understand this. I'm also dealing with a lot of things and no one can understand the things I am going through! Really nice flow in this piece and I liked it. | | Posted on 2004-06-24 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ] | man... this sucks... not the poem... the poem is very well written and you can rhyme without being cheesy which is something i just cant do. but what sucks is that you are only 14 and already feeling pressured and crap about life by the sounds of it... thats so not cool. anyways keep trying to find something in life to enjoy... something that makes you smile and happy... thats the challenge in everyday life. but this is a very clear write. | | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] | Definitely a decent poem for your age...watch the use of the vague descriptions without imagery to back them up... Even without it your message was clear although the last lines are ver non-sequitor. | | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ] | yeah well i like it ...no offence as much as the people are trying to help you ...i know it prob just makes u feel that u can't write and i know thats thew point of the site but i never used it that way anways i really like this line | [The changes occuring They cant even compare My lifeline is slowing And they couldnt care] it's as if everyone is blocking you out you can't say a thing and at the same time your nearb death because of it...well thats what i got from it anways keep up the good work (thumbs up) | Posted on 2004-07-13 00:00:00 | by AnDrew Guy | [ Reply to This ] | |
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