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    dots Submission Name: Futility's Leaddots

    Author: fate_s nemisis
    ASL Info:    19/male/Flint, MI
    Elite Ratio:    5.71 - 29/11/6
    Words: 234
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1086
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2169

       sorry if this is posted twice but I couldn't find it anywhere the first time so I put it up again. Please tell me what you think so I don't embarass myself should I read it out loud.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFutility's Leaddots

    I drove alone through the Saturday night

    And the cold that blew-but from where?

    From the still vein-blue sky banning the dying light?

    Or the twisted trees that punctured the air?

    So convienent to be amidst the two

    While passing places filled with laughing friends

    Then the death wish took its slient que

    The kind that only death amends.

    I saw in those trees a part of me;

    Reaching for the sky that they can never touch,

    A futility that nature itself decreed

    Thinking they can get there is their only cruch.

    Why then take another breath

    When my dream is a desperate lie?

    And when no life is finally left

    My serrated bones will reach for the sky

    As for the dying light-What's there to konw

    As blackness creeps accross its face

    Like my listless dissolving soul

    The color vanishes into space.

    I see this now, but it's been rough,

    And my wounds, though open, no longer bleed.

    So I suppose, for now, I'm dead enough,

    So I'll just follow the futility's lead.

    Submitted on 2007-11-11 20:00:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is unbelievably beautiful poetry. You have portrayed some very uncomfortable thoughts and feelings in a very expressive and meaningful way.

    The line about the open wounds that no longer bleed really hit home with me. I completely relate to this.
    | Posted on 2007-11-25 00:00:00 | by paintingangels | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool! Thanks everyone! I'll fix that spelling error right away!
    | Posted on 2007-11-12 00:00:00 | by fate_s nemisis | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm. I like it. It flows fantastically for a slow poem. What I liked the best was that you used a more advanced vocabulary but still made the poem absolutely clear. A bit depresssing, but still, great job!


    p.s. Check for spelling and grammar errors.
    | Posted on 2007-11-12 00:00:00 | by numbertwenty | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this. It's one of the best I've read in a long time.
    The description/imagery is fantastic. It moves along slowly (in a good way) and sadly, which is wonderful.

    The only critique I have would be the word, "frineds." Do you mean "friends"?

    But other than that, this is my idea of perfect, so I can give you only compliments.
    You have a lot of talent, and it clings to every word.
    I really enjoyed this.

    Very nicely done.

    | Posted on 2007-11-12 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      i love how you wrote this, it flows incredible well!
    | Posted on 2007-11-11 00:00:00 | by Nessyjane | [ Reply to This ]

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