Lines 1 to 4 start with a hesitant but brilliant description of the sweet and whispered, and then a strong burst of passion, vains and fire (lines 6-9) opposes yet emphasises this tender introduction to love - i absolutely love it! Not sure if the last stanza really grabbed me though - I'm still waiting for the climax of love that cannot be defined by any other name.
Lines 5 and 9 made this love story - it's where I became part of it!
This is going to be a change for me as I usually explain my view and leave it, but I want to break this down piece by piece.
"Romance by any other name
Might humble poets’ whispered lines
In sonnets tempting to the vain
Who dare to speak how sweet it is."
(This stanza on it's own is great, it is vivid and shows a divine interpretation of love.)
To be loved by you shall shame the rest.
(This line is strong and emphasizes the first stanza, great job, it creates an emotional and personal impact.)
"As passion flows within your veins
And raises ardor’s willing kiss
To levels beckoning release,
Love’s flames ignite my longing lips."
(Now my problem starts right here, the first and second lines are great, but the third catches my attention, I think the flow might work better without the word "to" it dropped from your previous pattern.)
To be loved by you fills my desire.
(this line again emphasizes what you said in the previous stanza)
I need no other lover’s touch
For I have found the best in you
And always know my heart’s own key
Lays safe between your fingertips.
( I like this as well it is strong and brings back that emotional impact.)
I bring all of this up because, Emotion is the key to memory, to bring someone to remember and to grip your poetry emotional impact, and proper flow is VERY much needed, you have completely held the emotions at edge but your flow gets choppy sometimes, you have great potential and I look forward to reading more of what you have.
What could posibley be better. Than the embrace of one who truley loves you? I could go
on and on and say this and that..................
But you put it simpley. I enjoyed your work.
Wow! What a thrilling tribute to your significant other or Lover! This is absolutely wonderful, Sharon!
I have been at the ranch all last week, so have not checked posts until just recently. I noticed that you have several new items posted while I was gone, so I will be reading them!
In stanza 1 you really speak your mind. I can almost feel your frustration towards other people making love sweet, but not real. Almost like teenage love.
Then in line 5 you say “To be loved by you shall shame the rest.” The line standing on its own, really emphasize how special “His” love is and how it stand out from the rest. It feels like he is the only one in the world who really understands your need for love and meeting those needs
“As passion flows within your veins
And raises ardor’s willing kiss
To levels beckoning release,
Love’s flames ignite my longing lips.”
With perfect iamb you describe his passion; I can hear his heart beat to this rhythm, fuelling his passion through his veins.
In the last stanza you kept the iamb, it made the think of how his passion is flowing in your veins as well. I don’t like the last 2 lines, I think the “Key to the heart” theme is overused, and ashamed to say it, but I used this as well.
I’m not sure if one can call it a sonnet due to the (intended) missing iamb,
but EXCELLENT sonnet, one of the best poems I’ve read on this site.
Submission Name: TO BE LOVED BY YOU
