Wounded by memories, i'm trying to live
Tryin to forget, trying to forgive
But how to forgive, how not to retaliate
From those who stole my joy, who stole my fate
Who ripped my heart and threw it on a plate
Covered with blood, served with hate
Breathing its last words :
" You're still my soulmate! "
| wow i love the continuos rhymeing at the end |
retailate, plate, hate, soulmate
i love that, and i could literally feel the viousness in your poem, the short clipped lines do good to add to the intensity of your poem.
|| Posted on 2007-12-19 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ] || I love to rhyme, and I love reading rhyme, but I think you have too much in this piece. I think it takes away from the serious nature of this piece. I can feel the passion of this piece. I think it has a lot of heart. |
|| Posted on 2007-11-16 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ] |