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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Circle's Enddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: awastedsky
    Elite Ratio:    5.48 - 103/120/80
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 133
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1384



    Description:
       It's a new beginning.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCircle's Enddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I, too, am damaged
    And flee for the hollow in the image
    of the setting sun.

    I offer up myself to unwilling caretakers
    And kiss the toes of those
    Who dance from the calling of my name.

    I live in an unabashed way
    And sometimes wait to be joined
    However you only look to me with disgust.

    Do you remember when we used to create art together?
    I sang the songs that you wrote
    And together, we made it whole.

    Maybe it was my imagination
    And I lead myself to believe there was so much more
    To save the pretty little heart I tried to make so big.

    Love might be a mistake
    Like the circle of hope I spiral through
    Because I'm never sated by what I possess.

    Maybe that's what makes me so intolerable.
    Can you nod your head in conformity
    So my red-painted lips gain worth?

    Effort to naught; I know my attempts were futile.
    But I know I can stand to an entire being on my own
    But I know the sun will still set tomorrow.

    Words crafted so thoughtfully, but I know better
    Because I've existed in your temple of regret so long
    And now, for once, I do not care.




    Submitted on 2007-11-12 16:12:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      And so, we can turn this circle over to somebody else's bike, and let it roll on to God knows where. Or maybe, you'd want to make a bike of your own with this wheel in the front. But, then again, that would beat the purpose of the piece in more ways than one... now wouldn't it?

    I guess what I like the most is the sincerity of it. In pieces like this, I think that it is the heart or the foundation of the work that makes the entire thing have a beautiful figure. It is your ability to capitalize on that bone structure (by being relax without being lazy) that made this worthy of attention.

    I like how you went from one vital point to another by talking about how you would go to other people for comfort, devour what you can from the simplest compliments or good grace to regain your strength and lick your wounds. It shows a great deal of humanity and a vulnerability that really makes people feel welcome and it gives them someone that they can relate to whether the experience is the same and otherwise.

    So... cheers to your new beginning.
    | Posted on 2007-11-13 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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