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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: City Boy Splintersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ANGELO
    ASL Info:    23 / Male / Ortigas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1428/821/152
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 445
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 1132



    Description:
       I just need to feel beautiful today.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCity Boy Splintersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The trees cannot free me.

    The boughs do not bend
    to the sound of my voice
    like the window-framed curtains that
    slip out your distance.

    The trunks would not shed
    a sharp shape from the West
    like the time when Michelle
    threw her hopes on the freeway

    And, sadly, the barks
    never learned to look flourished
    with Kraylons and edgings of
    black Pentel pens
    that are not really far
    from the marks
    on your doorstep.

    But I cannot walk my way
    back to your arms

    for the roots hide the trails
    and the branches would only
    uncover the North
    when the winds come unkind,

    when the leaves whip unbridled by wooden old fingers
    from sharing their versions of rustled sincerities
    heard the first time your jeans sheltered my ear,

    and, eventually,
    when the gale comes in crashing
    and forces my strength
    to reach out and grab hold of
    the nearest log
    that my hand
    could touch.




    Submitted on 2007-11-13 06:47:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like it Angelo, seems all poem-like, like it could be found in a book, and like some poems found in books, it is not 100% accessible to me. I like and dislike that, I suppose it's that the thing draws me in far enough that I would like to know it exact, as you know it... but there's enough there, and perhaps the rest will come to me on a rainy day. Your have a good sense of cadence too which is always helpful. You're doing good things.
    | Posted on 2009-06-08 00:00:00 | by BrokeArtGallery | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah! You are giving me a good afternoon. I am starting to understand the picture/poem part ... could you explore the poem using lots of pictures, or is it a whole poem with a whole picture?
    | Posted on 2008-02-28 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      You seem to be one of those wordsmith painter types...the kind that makes me wonder why I see the world with only a certain amount of colour.

    It's always so grandiose without being petty and ugly and conceited and it's such a fine line that you just flaunt with ease.

    I have to say, really, it's annoying to comment, I know, when all I do is compliment.

    I drop by your page constantly and read what you post for us and it's always...more a painting than a poem, or prose, or whatever label we're throwing around these days.

    (sometimes I feel I'm drastically out of date)

    I also enjoy the way it captures, but never forcefully. It's like a charming bandit - you hate him for stealing your possessions but he's just so god damn charming about it that you have to forgive him.

    Kind of like the proverbial pirate nearly everyone wishes they were at one point or another.

    Swagger, swagger!
    | Posted on 2008-02-25 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]
      I want congratulate you on the brilliance of this writing, the feeling to me came so vividly of walking alone, deep in thought but noticing everything in the woods. and the first understanding forcing itself into my emotions that people are so separate, and theirin lies the glory and the pain of depending on others and attachments...the need to be anchored and to feel reality in one's soul was so elegantly and sparely noticed along with all the little losses...
    this ending set of stanzas is like those line drawings that must be drawn with total concentration and total relaxation, and there on the paper an ink line becomes the fluid river of a kitten leaping and twisting...energy revealed and frozen, almost managing to move and live.

    But I cannot walk my way
    back to your arms

    for the roots hide the trails
    and the branches would only
    uncover the North
    when the winds come unkind,

    when the leaves whip unbridled by wooden old fingers
    from sharing their versions of rustled sincerities
    heard the first time your jeans sheltered my ear,

    and, eventually,
    when the gales come in crashing
    and forces my strength
    to reach out and grab hold of
    the nearest log
    that my hand
    could touch.


    as they say in So Cal..."Dog! 'Sfine Badness!"
    koster
    | Posted on 2007-12-22 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      Superb writing! Poem is pure and express bold colors and bright tones. Your have a prose style of writing. Remember, that God and fear can not coexist together.
    I hope you publish your body of work, because your poetry speaks to the world. Keep the faith!
    | Posted on 2007-11-19 00:00:00 | by FireFly747 | [ Reply to This ]
      "The trunks would not shed
    a sharp shape from the West
    like the time when Michelle
    threw her hopes on the freeway" --> If I didn't know better, this almost sounds like suicide. "sharp shape" and "freeway" seem to make me think that. Then again, she could be hoping that the freeway would take her somewhere.

    "But I cannot walk my way
    back to your arms" --> You don't know what you've got til its gone. And you may never get it back.

    If only we could get it back. Then maybe its brilliance would leave us trailing for words. Maybe then we would spill our tongues on the asphalt and taste what it means to be a city.

    A city of angles and quadrants, we wander around corners and walk up buildings. Only to be brought down to sackcloth, the eyes burst with liquid effluence.

    She cries with light in her hands and stabs herself with the stars. Then she stabs me with reality and I realize that I forgot to turn off the stove.

    And there my house is an inferno, but I just smile. Everyone gathers around and we roast marshmallows.

    When the last marshmallow is gone, we mourn. Many fall into the fire in hopes to find what they had lost. If only they could get it back.

    If only we could get it back.

    -----------------

    That was fun. I love when I get on these random prose trips. Thanks for inspiring me, man.

    This poem of yours is very natural and it smells like cedars. It calls me to the forest and tells me to commune with the trees.

    Will the trees accept me? Only if I give them fire.

    Keep up the good writing!
    | Posted on 2007-11-13 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]


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    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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