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    dots Submission Name: Not Enoughdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 25
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 784
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 151

       This poem IS NOT based upon my life. I've never been pregnant or anything, so don't think I've given away a kid or something. I was writing from the persona of a character.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNot Enoughdots

    Nothing you gave me was good enough to keep
    not the feeling, the ring, or the baby
    Do I still weep?

    Submitted on 2004-02-04 22:02:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      ouch... and understood. This piece is essence of cuddle - cooked down, distilled, and crystalized. 4 lines of perfect clarity. You deliver your emotion, your message, and your hurt in 4 clean lines. Correct me if I got this wrong, but... you still cry, not for HIM, but for what could have been. Boy do I know that feeling. Well done, baby-girl. <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-21 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      Short, and to the point seems to be your style... and you handle it really well... so i wont beat you up about lengthening this.... i really like that it comes to screeching halt and leaves me to my imagination... i also see what you mean by a less subtle rhyme scheme... which you suggested in a reply to my piece, "Rape"... very nice job with this piece you have here
    | Posted on 2004-02-05 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      simple rhythem, i read this with a pause after your question, I think this adds a good element to the closing answer
    | Posted on 2004-02-05 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, the ending was out of no where you probably don't cry for the loss of him but for the loss of things you gave up for this man. Like a baby that could have been loved by you.and the ceremonial traditions that all people in love go through thrown away on this man who couldn't love you enough to let you keep yourself and sent you away crying for things you gave up for him.

    Poetic Beauty,
    | Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked it. It was short but in those few lines it said everything it needed to, and not only that it hinted at what it doesn't tell.
    | Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by Voodoo_Lounge | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm... i like it.. its short sweet and to the point! has a nice flow to it also! keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]

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