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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You Betrayeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ZoeJane
    ASL Info:    22/F/Phoenix
    Elite Ratio:    1.62 - 6/10/29
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 736
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 575



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Betrayeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I never did to you
    What you say that I did do.
    I never betrayed you
    Like you said that I did do.
    But you in your own twisted mind
    Put yourself in your own bind.
    Burning, frothing in your hell
    Reaching out for me as well
    Angry, bitter in your lies,
    I watch you, my time I bide.
    Waiting for that awesome time
    When you are caught in your own rhyme.
    You will see upon that day
    That you yourself you did betray.
    And I, untouched, will float away
    Caring not what you must pay.




    Submitted on 2007-11-13 20:01:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      ZJ - welcome to eliteskills! I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay!

    I really enjoyed this poem - I came away from it feeling "betrayed". As any good writer will tell you, being able to pass on to the reader senses or feelings is a wonderful talent...

    All that aside, I would like to make a couple of suggestions. Consider not capitalizing the first word of the next line of the verse. In my opinion, it breaks up the feeling...but only a little. Also, do you think the punctuation (periods) at the end of each verse is necessary? Intuitively, the reader should be able to tell when the next verse begins. Just a thought...only a thought...

    KellyR

    | Posted on 2007-11-18 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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