Hey Hey, My My…
Out of the Blue and Into the Black….
My heart is dark today. It beats, but very slight. This rollercoaster ride, ending near. I can feel it slowing and fear inside speeds. Odd now isn’t it? The steep climb and fast jolts are what I crave. The calming end scares me most. I’ll step off and cash my ticket in. Or wait, will I ride? Only the weary stay aboard. I know these twists and turns, highs and lows. Again my heart is dark.
I don’t know how in my sick life to explain, and/or justify my sorrow. My laughter and smile hide the sad, worn and darkest moments. My sorrow is just sorrow, it has no mask. Some may understand and like myself live it. Others shun and believe I am weak. I make no judgment on either. I know my strength.. Time… today I must reach deep within my soul and pull that strength out. Set it free, and do the right thing.
My wise Momma says, “You dance, you pay the fiddler.” And so the fiddler plays his last tune. My dance with Lucifer has come to an end. I will pay… the cost? Time will tell. I yearn for this to be the beginning of the end.
As I gaze back and ponder, was it worth any price? No, Not today. Then, would I change my past if given the chance? No, Not today.
Maybe “time”, my price to dance, will lighten my soul. Allow what is dark and cold to find the warm light. Peace, existing out of the Black.
October 29th, 2005