Tapestry by Aaron Felix

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Submission Name: Tapestry dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Aaron Felix
ASL Info:	17/m/USA
Elite Ratio:	4.18 - 141/148/71
Words:	81

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	146
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	659

Description:

Tapestry dots

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My Jewish Great Aunt,
the Navajo, White Cloud,
had a Santa Fe
tapestry
depicting
the modern cowboy
in
chuck taylors and spurs by
Norman Rockwell.

He drove a Ford Pick up
Truck in this
hand quilted,
embroidered mosaic
which
had more towing
capacity than a diesel
locomotive.

"In my day"
said White Cloud
"as a matter of
social convention attested
by experts and women
everywhere:

A man's heart is
only as big
as his
mustache."

Submitted on 2007-11-14 05:13:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Hahaha... ha. I like that ending. Shouldn't it be in quotes? really though? shouldn't it be... not important in the least but...... your spacing choices confuse me a bit. Its said that every break must be explicity important and necessary as to not confuse the reader. If it is broken, or enjammed, it must be very very signifigant. So I look to see the signifigance but I cannot find it. The lines between teh stanzas... you don't need them. be confident to switch from moment to moment, they are connected, and fit into one another without the lines. My suggestions as to line edits:

My Jewish Great Aunt,
the Navajo, White Cloud,
had a Santa Fe
tapestry
depicting
the modern cowboy in
chuck taylors in spurs by
Norman Rockwell.

He drove a Ford Pick up
Truck in this
hand quilted,
embroidered mosaic which
had more towing
capacity than any diesel
locomotive.

"In my day"
said White Cloud
"as a matter of
social convention attested
by experts and women
everywhere:

A man's heart is
only as big
as his
mustache."

Yep yep... I enjoy this more as I read it. Most line breaks were made for sound and consistency. Other grammatical edits are obvious. Overall I was pretty impressed to find this floating around in eliteskills. Not much of worth in this place. Niceness. Favorited. Thanks,
Wendy

| Posted on 2007-11-15 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]

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