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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tapestrydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aaron Felix
    ASL Info:    21
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 162/183/93
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 958
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 659



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTapestrydots
    -------------------------------------------


    My Jewish Great Aunt,
    the Navajo, White Cloud,
    had a Santa Fe
    tapestry
    depicting
    the modern cowboy
    in
    chuck taylors and spurs by
    Norman Rockwell.

    He drove a Ford Pick up
    Truck in this
    hand quilted,
    embroidered mosaic
    which
    had more towing
    capacity than a diesel
    locomotive.

    "In my day"
    said White Cloud
    "as a matter of
    social convention attested
    by experts and women
    everywhere:

    A man's heart is
    only as big
    as his
    mustache."




    Submitted on 2007-11-14 05:13:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hahaha... ha. I like that ending. Shouldn't it be in quotes? really though? shouldn't it be... not important in the least but...... your spacing choices confuse me a bit. Its said that every break must be explicity important and necessary as to not confuse the reader. If it is broken, or enjammed, it must be very very signifigant. So I look to see the signifigance but I cannot find it. The lines between teh stanzas... you don't need them. be confident to switch from moment to moment, they are connected, and fit into one another without the lines. My suggestions as to line edits:

    My Jewish Great Aunt,
    the Navajo, White Cloud,
    had a Santa Fe
    tapestry
    depicting
    the modern cowboy in
    chuck taylors in spurs by
    Norman Rockwell.

    He drove a Ford Pick up
    Truck in this
    hand quilted,
    embroidered mosaic which
    had more towing
    capacity than any diesel
    locomotive.

    "In my day"
    said White Cloud
    "as a matter of
    social convention attested
    by experts and women
    everywhere:

    A man's heart is
    only as big
    as his
    mustache."


    Yep yep... I enjoy this more as I read it. Most line breaks were made for sound and consistency. Other grammatical edits are obvious. Overall I was pretty impressed to find this floating around in eliteskills. Not much of worth in this place. Niceness. Favorited. Thanks,
    Wendy
    | Posted on 2007-11-15 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]


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