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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fade To Blackdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 377
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2732



    Description:
       ~time is the side of every coin~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFade To Blackdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Well?

    You’re three minutes early.

    Punctuality…

    Precision. Accuracy is like gold to me…plucked straight from a wisdom tooth.

    Well, despite that having something like zero to do with precision, that is philosophic, like…ah…Plato the Dentist. I hope this nugget was worthy of extraction?

    Oh, certainly. This time.

    But…

    Not every time. Not everything is a lovely story arc written in whispery prose. You know.

    So what’s her name? This girl you’ve brought such a long distance to meet me?

    Lai.

    Pretty name for an invisible girl. And is she the only reason we’re here or are there other reasons?

    Several. But she’s the principal ingredient. The base note in a tone poem, really.

    She doesn’t know anything about your – ah – time away? Where you’ve been and why you haven’t written? You haven’t written her, have you?

    They wouldn’t allow it. Something about emotional connections needing proper…how was it put…grounding?...to survive. I don’t know. But we met anyway.

    In the facility?

    Wherever we could. I told her she could grow old and curvy and get gray and grumpy but…she couldn’t lose her smile. That’s everything to me. Men fight for that.

    Where did you first meet, then? If you were watched and your time was restricted…

    At the movies. When the lights were hushed and everyone had their eyes pierced by the picture as it stroked their souls.

    Was she alone?

    She spoke to me with the softest smile. How many languages do you speak? She spoke all of them…we made love in the darkness.

    In the theater? How…

    Seven nights straight…in the back of the theater. She stepped off the screen and we met in the booth while the projectionist dozed during coming attractions. I think she was bored, but I was alive.

    Wait, was that the theater where the projectionist…?

    She needed a place with warmth and charm…

    And isn’t a human the best vessel made to house an angel waiting to be born?





    Submitted on 2007-11-14 14:31:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Bill,

    Such a clever title and such a disturbing subject. I love the whole "unreliable narrator" thing and the mortified interviewer at the end. I love how "matter of fact" the interviewee is as he speaks of giving "Lai" the human vessel of the projectionist's body:

    "She needed a place with warmth and charm…"

    Nice touch, with her name, too, btw. She is the lyrical poem/song that insanity can hum along to in this case, I guess.

    Ah, love and madness--they go together like a horse and carriage, don't they--wait, that isn't how the song goes, is it? ;) Oh well, you get the point. Even if in all reality the horse is a bit better off without the carriage. . . oh, the places the carriage can take you . . .

    Cheers!

    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the dialogue and I think you have some great lines/thoughts throughout. It feels like fantasy. A fantasy love that is real (if that makes sense). At least real to the protagonist. (unfortunately, and sadly so, I can relate.) Or perhaps, this is how I choose to read it.
    As to the ending, I could read it a couple of ways, which I like because you leave it up to the reader (at least this one) to come up with their own conclusion.
    'And isn’t a human the best vessel made to house an angel waiting to be born?'... interesting angle. I really enjoyed this.
    | Posted on 2007-11-18 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      this is odd... i cant seem to wrap my head around it. i guess ive gotten too accustomed to your pieces that are in this format and somehow forget to read between the lines.. hence the difficulty and my lack of indulgence of this piece.... at first, the characters waxing philosophical... and got my train of thought skewing off the tracks... anyhow, towards the end there, thats where it got real tricky for me and had to reread this again and again. well all in good fun i suppose.

    this girl "lai"... sounds too similar to a verb that humans are quite adept at doing. i almost didnt see it! im getting sloppy man. bear with me. but anyway, this hit me, as they say, like a ton of bricks;

    They wouldn’t allow it. Something about emotional connections needing proper…how was it put…grounding?...to survive. I don’t know. But we met anyway.

    and thats when i sort of got it (i hope). clever and funny. grounding in reality more like it! lol

    im starting to wonder if this is a poke at cinemathique and how us humans are such suckers for 'em. its this make believe world that we actually wish to be in! day in and day out! oh, who didnt dream of saving a damsel in distress, or look out from venetian blinds in a noir epic, or wield a lightsaber???! gosh that would be the coolest! oh, to woo that young fresh faced starlet, or to even be in the presence of aubrey hepburn in her glory days!

    our infatuation with the "lais" of this world or any other media isnt exactly healthy i guess. but it sure is fun just to fantasize. keeping one foot in this world should be sufficient enough for anyone who wants to fly like the man of steel. it is an art to be just a spectator. to be part of the audience. without the audience, there is no stage. there is no world, no gods, angels, demons, damsels and lightsabers.

    movies are such wonderful liars bill. we tend to forget that fact.
    | Posted on 2007-11-17 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoy your semi-story works like this.
    A puzzle to read that isnt a mystery.
    Isnt really able to fit into any specific genre, either, I think.
    You seem able to catch some of what Poe was onto. A little bit of Twilight Zone and more the fella from the next cubicle.
    Normal (seeming) people in abnormal situations.
    Well, anyhow, it is this style of yours that I enjoy.

    The title you chose is very apt. It sums up and ends the piece well. It lets us know that an ending is coming as we begin to read; then gives us a cinematic ending that wraps it all up.

    Well done.
    | Posted on 2007-11-14 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      This is absolutely beautiful. Your wording, the casual yet vivid dialogue...

    Wherever we could. I told her she could grow old and curvy and get gray and grumpy but…she couldn’t lose her smile. That’s everything to me. Men fight for that.

    At the movies. When the lights were hushed and everyone had their eyes pierced by the picture as it stroked their souls.

    She spoke to me with the softest smile. How many languages do you speak? She spoke all of them…we made love in the darkness.

    I think she was bored, but I was alive.


    Though this whole piece was amazing, these lines stood out the most to me.
    The vagueness of the first speaker--your constant use of ellipsis--I think, adds to the hazy line that encircles your poem--it doesn't choke the words, I guess I mean to say.

    This reminded me a little of military duty (They wouldn’t allow it. Something about emotional connections needing proper…how was it put…grounding?...to survive.). The ending is perfect. I feel I'm just babbling on--sorry I can't offer any useful critique--this seems flawless to me

    -C.L.
    | Posted on 2007-11-14 00:00:00 | by Coeur Lazulis | [ Reply to This ]


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