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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heavenly Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 815
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 370



    Description:
       Short but sweet. I hope....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeavenly Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Deep dark ember eyes,
    Never telling a single lie.
    Touch of an angelís grace,
    Arms extending for heavenís embrace.
    Feathers falling all around,
    Wings enclosing with no sound.
    Arch angel pleasure my mind to lull,
    Not caring to lose my soul.
    In love I trust,
    For love is the strongest therefore I must.




    Submitted on 2004-02-04 22:27:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Good phrases here, but as with any love poem you have to give it a little extra twist, and I can see one that youíre already heading for. You begin with eyes, for seeing then move to speaking, touch follows directly. With the addition of some body parts for the next two lines, like lips to line 2, then hands for 3, then slide right into arms for 4. After that, you can abandon the body parts thing, but it would be a nice hook to start with.
    | Posted on 2004-02-05 00:00:00 | by DevilDinosaur | [ Reply to This ]
      lull and soul seem a bit forced to me, otherwise great imagery and a nice feel
    | Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]


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